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  • Wording Advice

    Hi all,

    I hope it's ok to post this here....

    I'm currently displaying some jewellery, tiaras and hair pins in a cabinet at a beauty salon in Scarborough and I need to write a bit of a blurb about me and what I do to help sell the items. Here is what I've come up with so far and I'd be most grateful if someone could cast their eye over it and see if it makes sense...

    Twisted Spiral Jewellery, Tiaras and Hair Pins are lovingly handmade with you in mind. Each piece is made to last, using beautiful Swarovski Crystals and Pearls and is available in a variety of finishes.

    Most pieces can be adapted to suit your style and personality. If you have a colour scheme in mind please ask to see the colour charts – you’re sure to find a close match!

    If you would like to commission a piece of jewellery or a tiara that’s as individual as you are, leave your contact details with the lovely girls at the salon and I’ll contact you to arrange a consultation.


    Good or bad I'm ready so feel free to be brutal

    Lorna x
    Lorna x

    http://twistedspiral.wordpress.com/ - I've finally ventured into the world of blogging!

  • #2
    I think that is really good (and trust me, if I didn't I would say albeit nicely I hope!)

    It comes across as very professional and confident, shows the potential customer that they can request changes and custom work. And because its written in a friendly tone, customers would feel comfortable doing that too.

    Thumbs up I reckon!

    Now just gotta make sure those lovely girls at the salon look after your displays and sell your work to their clients too and everyone will be in Tiara heaven!
    Emma
    www.ejrbeads.co.uk - unique art beads & more
    www.ejrbeads.co.uk/shop - beads, polymer clay, glitters and inks oh my
    www.facebook.com/EJRBeads - Like me at Facebook!

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    • #3
      That wording sounds great, as Emma says it's professional, but friendly at the same time.

      Good luck with the sales in the salon

      Claire
      Website; www.midshiresmakers.co.uk
      Facebook Pages: www.facebook.com/weedoncraftmarket
      www.facebook.com/craftshoppingexperience

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      • #4
        You have hit the right tone there, business like, friendly and informative. Good luck with the sales
        Janice Phoenixjewellery from

        http://www.phoenixfabrics.co.uk
        http://phoenixjewellery.blogspot.com/
        http://phoenixbridal.blogspot.com/
        http://bernie-bear.blogspot.com

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        • #5
          Wow really wasn't expecting such a positive response! Thanks everyone, I feel a lot more confident about it now having been dithering over it for ages

          Lorna x

          P.S. I would have repped you all but apparently I've already given out too much today, aren't I generous? lol
          Last edited by ldw; 19-07-2009, 04:56 PM. Reason: P.S.
          Lorna x

          http://twistedspiral.wordpress.com/ - I've finally ventured into the world of blogging!

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          • #6
            Another vote here for the very friendly and professional wording. Well done.

            I'd just like to add a very personal note if I may and say that I am more inclined to take a second look at stuff like that if I can see a photo of the person who made it and a very short precis of their relevant training/skills etc - eg been making for X years, trained at X college, have supplied pieces to X boutiques/shops etc.

            I hope you don't think I am being too picky.

            Linda

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            • #7
              sounds good to me, as the others have said you've got the tone just right

              good luck with your venture
              Last edited by skullandcrossbuns; 19-07-2009, 08:25 PM.
              Emily

              Hand Carved Rubber Stamps by Skull and Cross Buns
              Etsy Folksy Twitter Facebook

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              • #8
                Originally posted by craftdancer View Post
                Another vote here for the very friendly and professional wording. Well done.

                I'd just like to add a very personal note if I may and say that I am more inclined to take a second look at stuff like that if I can see a photo of the person who made it and a very short precis of their relevant training/skills etc - eg been making for X years, trained at X college, have supplied pieces to X boutiques/shops etc.

                I hope you don't think I am being too picky.

                Linda
                Hi Linda,

                I don't think you're being picky at all, it's great to hear ideas. It is something I've thought about, the only problem being whether it would put people off that I've not been doing it that long, I'm self-taught and only supply to one shop and haven't got a web site up and running yet due to a lack of decent pics (which I'm working on hehe).

                Definitely something I'll do in the future I think as I can completely see where you're coming from but where it's being displayed I don't think people will have chance to read much as it's in a room where people will be taken to by salon staff. Although a photo of something being made wouldn't be a bad idea or even a nice colourful piccy in the background behind the writing, ooo off to experient - thanks hun!

                Lorna x
                Lorna x

                http://twistedspiral.wordpress.com/ - I've finally ventured into the world of blogging!

                Comment


                • #9
                  Definitely something I'll do in the future I think as I can completely see where you're coming from but where it's being displayed I don't think people will have chance to read much as it's in a room where people will be taken to by salon staff. Although a photo of something being made wouldn't be a bad idea or even a nice colourful piccy in the background behind the writing, ooo off to experient - thanks hun!
                  OK, I agree with you about not being able to put much down about experience - but as you supply to only one place you could put notices about "exclusive" "not available anywhere else" "unique to this salon" etc in amongst your pieces. And the piccy of a piece being made is a brilliant idea!

                  Good luck and let us know what you finish up with.

                  Linda

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