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**Poppy4lee** · 22-12-2008, 01:01 PM

Oh Laura, how terrible this is. I too was in a relationship with a violent partner but, fortunately, it was only my bones that he broke, I was never pregnant and haven't had to suffer such a broken heart.
IMHO it would seem that he still may have feelings for you, if you were completely out of his system this might not have happened. Or, it could be that by destroying the memorial he feels he's destroying the evidence of his actions, trying to pretend it didn't happen. Whatever the reasons are, don't show him your pain, in that way he'd still be in control (of your feelings).
I know I would be devastated if a memorial of someone I loved was destroyed but, if it happened in similar circumstances, I would place a new memorial in a new location, with a ceremony that was befitting. I'd maybe plant a tree, in a place that I could visit to watch it grow big and strong. I wouldn't tell anyone, other than those I trusted what I was doing, or, where the tree was. Or, I'd light candles, as often as I felt necessary, in a church. or, place that was special to me.
The most important thing is that you will always carry Jordan in your heart. The love that you feel for him is the most beautiful memorial that Jordan Alexander could ever have.

**silvermaid** · 22-12-2008, 01:11 PM

Oh Hun, my heart goes out to you.
I agree with everything Jayne has written. A friend planted a tree in remembrance of her baby and it has given her comfort.
((((hugs)))) to you.
Melanie

**beadsbydesign** · 22-12-2008, 01:21 PM

I love the idea of a memorial tree.

**beckyboo** · 22-12-2008, 01:50 PM

Laura my heart goes out to you, words can't describe how much it must hurt for you.
I lost my daughter when she was 5 and a stillborn son,you never move on you find a way to fill the gap in your life they leave . I know my losses seem like yesterday but also a whole lifetime ago.

I planted trees for my daughter with plaque at her school and a rose bush and plaque for my son at home. I can't remember who I used for both but I have found a nice site who offers a range of plaques
http://www.sign-maker.net/memorial-plaques.htm

I can only echo what poppylee says and be as brave as you can, I know it's hard and it brings all the old grief back to the surface. Could you use your garden or a relatives for the new plaque that way you have a private place to sit and relive the happy times you had when carrying Jordan.

If ever you would like to chat to somebody I'm a good listener.

**Fluffy Squirrel** · 22-12-2008, 02:46 PM

Thank you everyone for your kind comments and support, you have no idea how much it means to me.

The garden of remembrance is near Glasgow so quite far away. I've been talking to Gord about it and we're thinking of looking into having a new plaque placed at the garden of remembrance at the local church cemetry where Gord's mum is buried and keeping it as private as we can. I just don't understand how someone could be so evil.

My son's 'father' (my ex) passed away a couple of months ago so I know that he was not involved in this incident, although over the last nine years since losing my son he has caused so much more upset, this is one thing that I can't blame him for. For Lisa, a mother who has lost a child of her own, to do something so horrific I cannot even begin to imagine what is going on in her mind... when I was with my ex, who was Lisa's husbands brother, Lisa and I were like best friends but then she went off the rails and we have ended up here.

I love the idea of a memorial tree and I think this is definitely something that we will look into when we get our garden sorted out.

Becky I am sorry to hear that you have also suffered such heartbreak *hugs* this must be a very difficult time for you, like you I am always here if you'd like to talk.

Thank you everyone.

Love Laura xxx

**buffybaskey** · 22-12-2008, 05:07 PM

awww hun im sorry i dont have much to say other than sendin you big hgs (((((Hugs))))) xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

**cupcake** · 22-12-2008, 07:27 PM

Laura, I sent you hugs on your other thread. Reading your thoughts on this one, it seems to me that she's probably taking her anger and frustration with herself and her own situation out on you. Maybe she's angry with you and jealous of you for making a happy new life for yourself while she's spiraling out of control.

I'd do something close to where you are now. For my dad I placed a bench in the small local park where he used to like to walk, it had a plaque on it with a short message and his birth and death dates. I visit it from time to time and sit on the bench and think of him. I organised it through the local council parks division, I don't remember the cost. I like it because it's a positive rememberance in a living place, not surrounded by the dead IYSWIM.

**SNOWF1975** · 22-12-2008, 07:59 PM

Aw Laura, how upsetting. I dont understand how ANYONE could do such a thing to any memorial, never mind a baby's. She must have real issues. Have you reported her to the police? You could show the txt as evidence. Though i understand if you are just too upset to go down that route.

A tree is a beautiful idea.

Which rememberance garden is it? Is it daldowie?

Sending my love.....

Jill
xxx

**Fluffy Squirrel** · 22-12-2008, 08:11 PM

Thank you for such lovely and supportive mesages, they really do help to keep things in perspective... in a way I kind of feel sorry for her that she has followed the route of drug abuse to the extent that she has felt the need to take her anger out on the memorial of an innocent child. Lisa and I used to be good friends although after losing my son, she backed the actions of her brother in law (my ex) and I couldn't stay in contact with her after that.

We are definitely going to look into a memorial of some sort local to us so I can visit regularly and see something positive come of this horrendous situation. I like the idea of planting a tree or something similar, though the bench idea is very nice as well so perhaps something else we could look into.

I am also looking at making some sort of plaque or ornament type of thing on an angel theme with Jordan's name, date of birth and perhaps a short message that we can have at home as at the moment we don't really have anything, so if anyone can suggest something or may be able to make something then please let me know cos I'd love something OOAK and would much rather pay for a fellow crafters time and talent than pay a company to throw something out of a machine.

Thank you so much for everyone's support *hugs*

Laura xxx

**auntynet** · 22-12-2008, 08:18 PM

Why not make a resolution to sort out your garden for the spring so you can plant bulbs, shrubs and anything else you fancy. Get a little bench so that you can sit there and have some special moments whenever you fancy. Do your homework and try to plant something for all seasons so that something is always in bloom no matter what time of the year.

You could also ask one of the pyrographers to make a plaque for you - the photo work they do is fantastic and you could hang it in Jordan's own special garden of rememberance.

Thinking of you hun.

**Fluffy Squirrel** · 22-12-2008, 08:21 PM

That's a really great idea, thank you... must have a look into that and see what I can come up with - definitely think hubby will go for that one too, and it also gives us a kick up the *** to get the garden sorted out.

Thank you. xxx

**woodtattoos** · 22-12-2008, 09:04 PM

Laura, I've just read one of your last posts. If you wanted a wooden plaque or similar to display somewhere private in memory, I'd be able to offer my services. It would be an honour and a pleasure to work on such an important and meaningful project on your behalf. Have a think and drop me a line if I can help.

Si.

**Moonbeam Angel** · 22-12-2008, 09:52 PM

I was reduced to tears by your thread and also looking at your memorial site. My sister has suffered two miscarriages in the last year and that was devastating enough, but to lose an unborn child at someone else's hand.... well words fail me. Huge, huge angel (((hugs))) to you.

I agree with everyone else that a memorial tree is a good idea, my sis has two rose bushes in her garden for her lost babies.

As to the plaque, how about an angel shape that a pyrographer could perhaps put designs/words on? perhaps ask one of the pyrographers on here what they think.

**Louise88** · 22-12-2008, 10:15 PM

I was so sorry and upset to read your story. What an awful thing for a person to do. I can't even begin to imagine how you must feel about it.

Quite a lot of years ago somebody vandalised my sister's grave and the ones surrounding it, my parents were so upset. The grave had an angel on the front that we always said looked like my sister, the vandals smashed it off with a spade. We managed to have it repaired but it still has cracks and chips in it.
If somebody was to do that again (my mum now shares the grave) I would be so angry and inconsolable, I don't know how I'd deal with it.

I think that a small wooden plaque would be lovely, especially if you put it somewhere that you love.
You could have a memory box and fill it with things that remind you of your son, that way you can have it near you wherever you go

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