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Did I do right?

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  • Did I do right?

    Made my mother inlaw cry today, I'll tell you why. Saw her and FiL on March 18th 2 days before her birthday, gave her a present and also present for FiL whose birthday was Sunday just gone. Hubby rang his dad on Sun, says Happy Birthday etc, gets no thanks for prezzie! Hubby pops round yesterday and gets asked 'how could you forget your dads birthday?' Hubby replies, 'I didn't, I called him on Sun' MiL says 'what about a present and card?' Turns out she's totally forgotten to give him present and can't remember where shes put it!!! Anyway she finds present, problem solved. Real problem is me and hubby are so hurt and gutted that she thinks we have forgotten his dads 70th Birthday. So rang her to tell how hurt I feel today, thing is if hubby hadn't gone round, how long would this have gone on for? me thinking, miserable git for not thanking us for the present and him thinking, miserable pair for not buying a present! To start with MiL thought it was funny but then she realised I was seriously hurt and upset and started to cry, hubby says let her stew on it!!!! Sorry for the rant, needed to offload!!! Selina

  • #2
    I think you did the right thing... well, I'm not sure if its the way I would have done it...


    • #3
      Getting these things out in the open is usually for the best. At least now the situation is sorted and probably in a few weeks it will be forgotten.

      Its sometimes difficult to get things in the open with inlaws, I know I phoned mine last year because my hubbie was a bit hurt but is too soft to say anything, but me being the emotional type that I am had to say something. Its completely forgotten about know but you get that funny feeling in the bottom of your stomach for a few days after.


      • #4
        Yea i probably would have rung her to.

        At least for your fil he got his pressie & now knows you hadnt forgotten!!

        It will be ok i would say you'll see the funny a while!!!

        AS my grandfather used to say;


        Hope you'll give a wee smile



        • #5
          I think you have to say how you feel and get it out in the open. Mistakes happen but you have to deal with them and move on otherwise it can eat you up. As a fifty something who forgets stuff all the time I'd say she was having a senior moment. I know you feel hurt but rise above it or it will rumble on.


          • #6
            getting things in the open is a good idea, if its reallyhurt you, sometimes somethings can be ignored, but the big things should be mentioned...

            at least she (MIL) wont forget again!!!!

            Sometimes what we say is not what we mean & what we mean is not what we say - that's why I paint!

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            • #7
              Rise above it

              Oh heck!!! I know it's no excuse but I think that as people get older they seem to think it is their right to always be in the right if you know what I mean!!!! I think it's true that the older we get we revert back to childish ways and they were probably punishing you both like kids would to make you pay. Now it's all been said and done I would try and forget it because when they are gone all these little tiffs come back to haunt you. My mum died 4 years ago and I really love and miss her. I looked after her , she was 90 when she died and we were really close but sometimes I agonise over silly little things that happened because, after all we are only human and everyone falls out now and again. Rise above it. Be bigger than she is and forget about it. You know the truth about it so you have an easy conscience. Hope this helps. Sue xx


              • #8
                I just had to call and get it off my chest, I wasn't abrupt or nasty in any way, I just couldn't let it fester away in side me. I figured it was better said in a nice way now rather than a full blown nightmare argument after I'd stewed on it for a few days! Still can't believe they thought we forgot, we've been together for 24 yrs and I have never, ever, ever forgotten a birthday, anniversary or anything! thats why I have a diary! Selina


                • #9
                  I know I'm really late with this and its water under the bridge now but I think the fact you told her shows how much you care - and the fact she got so upset shows how much she cares too

                  Life's amazing isnt it? No matter how many years we live on the planet with each other, we're learning everyday. It wasnt the mistake of not handing over the present that hurt, that was just a silly funny mistake and nowt to be concerned over - it was the thought she even imagined you'd forgot that hurt so much - and at least she realises now how mistaken she was to think that

                  Happy days
                  Shaz x
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                  • #10
                    Thats exactly it Shaz! Anyway I had a large bunch of flowers and a card saying sorry from her the next day. As you say water under the bridge now but things could have been so different! Selina