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Dear Dogs and Cats rotfl

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  • Dear Dogs and Cats rotfl


    To be posted VERY LOW on the refrigerator door - nose height.
    Dear Dogs and Cats,[FONT='Comic', Sans MS]The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.

    The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.


    I cannot buy anything bigger than a king-
    sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.

    For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years -- canine or feline attendance is not required.


    The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough!

    To pacify you, my dear pets, I have posted the following message on our front door:
    [/FONT]
    To All Non-Pet Owners Who Visit & Like to Complain About Our Pets:
    1. They live here. You don't.

    2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. (That's why they call it "fur"niture.)
    3. I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.
    4. To you, it's an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly.

    Remember: Dogs and cats are better than kids because they:
    1. Eat less

    2. Don't ask for money all the time
    3 Are easier to train
    ( except Terriers and ShihTzu)
    4. Normally come when called
    5. Never ask to drive the car
    6. Don't hang out with drug-using friends

    7. Don't smoke or drink
    8. Don't have to buy the latest fashions
    9. Don't want to wear your clothes
    10. Don't need a gazillion dollars for college, and...
    11. If they get pregnant, you can sell their children.
    Shabby Neesey

  • #2
    Very good... but I thought I could sell any children!??
    View my flickr

    'I am sure it must hurt your eyes to work filigree by candlelight.' - Jane Austen

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    • #3
      Aw Neesey, I've got 2 cats and thats BRILLIANT!

      ...especially the FUR-niture part, really cool, methinks I might find myself making some cat photo cards for my next fair with some of these messages on!!!!!!!

      Shaz x
      Keepsake Kollections
      & Rossendale Ramblings!
      http://focusonlife-shaz.blogspot.com

      Where else can you get Mental and Retail Therapy?!

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      • #4
        Originally posted by Focus on Life View Post
        Aw Neesey, I've got 2 cats and thats BRILLIANT!

        ...especially the FUR-niture part, really cool, methinks I might find myself making some cat photo cards for my next fair with some of these messages on!!!!!!!

        Shaz x
        Thats why I posted it lolol I thought it would catch some card makers eye............I plan to put some on signs
        Shabby Neesey

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        • #5
          Heheheheh!!

          Given me far too many ideas and NOT ENOUGH TIME!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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          • #6
            Screams of Laughter...

            .....I have the laptop in the livingroom and have just read that aloud to Himself and various cats & kids.

            I had never thought about 'fur'niture before, but how true....

            That's just wonderful...thanks Neesey!

            Jules
            Apple Tree Crafts
            www.appletreecraftfairs.com

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