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Office Christmas Party Nightmare

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  • Office Christmas Party Nightmare

    FROM: Human Resources Director
    > DATE: 10th December
    > TO: All employees
    > RE: Christmas Party
    >
    > I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place
    > on
    > 23rd December, starting at noon in the private function room at the
    > Grill
    > House. There will be a free bar and plenty of drinks! We'll have a
    > small
    > band playing traditional carols...please feel free to sing along.
    >
    > Exchange of gifts among employees can be done at this time; however no
    > gift
    > should exceed £10 in value to make the giving of gifts easy for
    > everyone's
    > pocket.
    >
    > This gathering is only for employees! The Managing Director will make a
    > special announcement at the party.
    >
    > Merry Christmas to you and your family.
    >
    > Pauline Lewis
    > Human Resources Director
    >
    >
    > FROM: Human Resources Director
    > DATE: 11th December
    > TO: All employees
    > RE: Christmas Party
    >
    > In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees.
    > We recognize that Hanukkah is an important holiday which often coincides
    > with Christmas, though unfortunately not this year. However, from now
    > on
    > we're calling it our 'Holiday Party'. The same policy applies to any
    > other
    > employees who are not christians. There will be no Christmas Tree or
    > Christmas carols. We will have other types of music for your enjoyment.
    >
    > Happy now?
    >
    > Happy Holidays to you and your family.
    >
    > Pauline.
    >
    >
    > FROM: Human Resources Director
    > DATE: 12th December
    > TO: All employees
    > RE: Holiday Party
    >
    > Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous
    > requesting a non-drinks table....you didn't sign your name. I'm happy
    > to
    > accommodate your request, but if I put a sign on a table that reads "AA
    > Only" you wouldn't be anonymous anymore!!!. How am I supposed to handle
    > this? Somebody?
    >
    > Forget about the gift exchange. No gift exchange allowed now, since the
    > Union Officials feel that £10.00 is too much money and Management
    > believe
    > £10.00 is a little cheap. NO GIFT EXCHANGE WILL BE ALLOWED.
    >
    > Pauline Lewis
    >
    >
    > FROM: Human Resources Director
    > DATE: 13th December
    > TO: All employees
    > RE: Holiday Party
    >
    > What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that 20th December begins
    > the
    > Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking during
    > daylight hours. There goes the party!
    >
    > Seriously, we can appreciate how a luncheon at this time of year does
    > not
    > accommodate our Muslim employees' beliefs. Perhaps the Grill House can
    > hold off serving your meal until the end of the party - or else package
    > everything up for you to take home in a little foil doggy bag. Will
    > that
    > work?
    >
    > Meanwhile, I've arranged for members of Weight Watchers to sit farthest
    > from the dessert buffet; pregnant women will get the table closest to
    > the
    > toilets; Gays will be allowed to sit with each other; Lesbians do not
    > have to sit with gay men: each will have their own table. Yes, there
    > will
    > be flower arrangements for the gay men's table, too. To the person
    > asking
    > permission to cross-dress - there will be no cross-dressing allowed.
    >
    > We will have booster seats for short people. Low fat food will be
    > available for those on diets. Regretably we cannot control the amount
    > of
    > salt used in the food - we suggest that those employees with high blood
    > pressure taste the food first.
    >
    > There will be fresh fruit as desserts for diabetics; the restaurant
    > cannot
    > supply "sugar free" desserts. Sorry!
    >
    > Did I miss anything ?!?!?!?
    >
    > Pauline.
    >
    > FROM: Human Resources Director
    > DATE: 14th December
    > TO: All F****** Employees
    > RE: The F****** Holiday Party
    >
    > Vegetarian pricks! I've had it with you people!!! We're going to keep
    > this party at the Grill House whether you like it or not, so you can sit
    > quietly at the table furthest from the "grill of death" as you so
    > quaintly
    > put it. You'll get your f****** salad bar, including organic tomatoes.
    > But you know tomatoes have feelings too. They scream when you slice
    > them.
    > I've heard them scream. I'M HEARING THEM SCREAM RIGHT NOW!!
    >
    > I hope you all have a rotten holiday !
    >
    > DRINK, DRIVE, AND DIE!
    >
    > THE BITCH FROM HELL !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    >
    > FROM: John Bishop - Acting Human Resources Director
    > DATE: 15th December
    > RE: Pauline Lewis and Holiday Party
    >
    > I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Pauline a speedy recovery, and
    > I'll continue to forward your cards to her at the asylum.
    >
    > In the meantime, Management has decide to cancel the party, and give
    > everyone the afternoon off with full pay.
    >
    > John.
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  • #2
    lol that was funny - probably true the way the world seems to be going
    Emma
    Luxury craft supplies & magnolia Stamps - Sassy Crafts
    Sassy Crafts Blog
    My Blog

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    • #3
      That was funny - and agree seems to be the way things are going nowadays - I don't think they should take nativety plays out of schools - I loved going to my kids nativety plays they always got so excited.

      Cheers.

      Lisa

      Bowed Over
      Handmade Dog Collar Accessories
      www.bowedover.co.uk

      Comment


      • #4
        Boy, for a minute there as I began to read I thought it was for real!

        Like lisa and Emma say it seems to be the way the world is going.
        I think we all just need to be tollerant though.
        For me Christmas is the celebration of Gods coming to earth, but I am happy for christmas to be what ever anyone else wants it to be. I embrace my children learning about the different faiths at school, even though at home our practices are christian. We are even planning a family visit to the buddhist centre in the spring.
        Last night we attended another (can I stand any more) christmas play at Eden's school. It was a beautiful rendition of the nativity play with some wonderful acting and music. Did it matter to any of the parents there that it was a christian story..... I don't think so.
        There is going to be a crib service at our church on christmas eve and there will be hundreds attending it.
        If we are educated about others beliefs and understand their practices then we can see the reason they do what they do. I think all the cultural diversity in this country is a great thing.
        Happy christmas! (who want's the soap box now?)
        full time mum and very very part time crafter.

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