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Short Jokes for a Friday!

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  • Short Jokes for a Friday!

    I went to the butchers the other day and I bet him 50 quid that he
    couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf. He said, No, the steaks are too high."

    I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a muscle.

    Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly. They lit a fire in the craft,
    it sank, proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat
    it.

    "Doc I can't stop singing The Green, Green Grass of Home." "That sounds
    like Tom Jones syndrome." "Is it common? "Well It's not unusual."

    What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.

    Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. There are 5 people in
    my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my Mum or my Dad, or my
    older brother Colin, or my younger brother Ho-Cha-Chu? But I think it's Colin.

    "You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen. It said, 'Parking Fine.' So that was nice."



  • #2
    Oh dear.....

    The kayak one is particularly bad.
    View my flickr

    'I am sure it must hurt your eyes to work filigree by candlelight.' - Jane Austen

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    • #3
      he hee.. I liked the 'fine parking; one.

      Pauline
      Personalised Wedding Cake Toppers

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      • #4
        Love the kayak one!!!
        Visit my Etsy store http://swirlyarts.etsy.com
        My daily thoughts! http://swirlyarts.blogspot.com
        My blog of cute stuff http://cuteable.com


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        • #5
          There were others - 2 of which were not in the least bit pc so I didn't post them

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          • #6
            Originally posted by Tip Top View Post
            There were others - 2 of which were not in the least bit pc so I didn't post them
            You could always pm the not pc ones to us!
            www.craftyaddicts.co.uk
            for all your cardmaking and scrapbooking needs!!
            www.craftyaddict.wordpress.com
            craftyaddicts blog site
            www.heatherbees.blogspot.com
            My personal blog
            http://twitter.com/craftyaddicts

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            • #7
              Hehehe!
              I like your thinking!

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              • #8
                Not quite a 'short' joke but funny!

                One Smart Puppy

                A local business was looking for office help...
                They put a sign in the window stating the following: "Help wanted. Must be able to type, must be good with a computer, and must be bilingual. We are an Equal Opportunity Employer."

                A short time afterward, a dog trotted up to the window, saw the sign and went inside. He looked at the receptionist and wagged his tail, then walked over to the sign, looked at it and whined.

                Getting the idea, the receptionist got the office manager. The office manager looked at the dog and was surprised to say the least. However, the dog looked determined, so he lead him into the office. Inside, the dog jumped up on the chair and stared at the manager.

                The manager said, "I can't hire you. The sign says you have to be able to type." The dog jumped down, went to the typewriter, and proceeded to type out a perfect letter. He took out the page and trotted over to the manager and gave it to him, then jumped back on the chair. The manager was stunned but then told the dog, "The sign says you have to be good with a computer."

                The dog jumped down and went to the computer. The dog proceeded to enter and execute a perfect program that worked flawlessly the first time. By this time, the manager was totally dumbfounded.

                He looked at the dog and said, "I realize that you are a very intelligent dog and have some interesting abilities. However, I still can't give you the job."

                The dog jumped down and went to a copy of the sign and put his paw on the sentence about being an Equal Opportunity Employer.

                The manager said, "Yes, but the sign also says that you have to be bilingual."

                The dog looked at the manager calmly and said, "Meow!"

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                • #9
                  Love it!!

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                  • #10
                    This is an actual job application that a 75 year old pensioner submitted to B&Q in Tunbridge Wells.

                    They hired him because he was so funny .....

                    Name
                    Kenneth Way (Grumpy B*stard)

                    Sex
                    Not lately, but I am looking for the right woman (or at least one who will co-operate)

                    Desired Position
                    Copmany's Chief Executive or Managing Director. But seriously, whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying in the first place - would I?

                    Desired Salary
                    £150,000 a year plus share options and a Tony Blair style redundancy package. If that's not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.

                    Education
                    Yes

                    Last Position Held
                    Target for middle management hostility.

                    Previous Salary
                    A lot less than I'm worth


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