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Fireman Joke

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  • Fireman Joke

    > A fireman is polishing his fire engine outside the fire station when
    > he notices a little girl next door in a little red cart with little
    > ladders hung on the side and a garden hose tightly coiled in the
    > The little girl is wearing a fireman's helmet and has the cart tied to

    > a dog and a cat. The fire-fighter walks over to take a closer look:
    > "That's a lovely fire engine,' he says admiringly.
    > 'Thanks,' says the little girl. The fireman looks closer and notices
    > the little girl has tied one of the cart's strings to the dog's collar
    > and one to the cat's testicles.
    > 'Little colleague,' says the fire-fighter, 'I don't want to tell you
    > how to run your fire engine, but if you were to tie that rope around
    > the cat's collar, I think you could probably go a lot faster.'
    > The little girl pauses for a moment, looks at the wagon, at the dog
    > and at the cat, then shyly looks into the fireman's eyes and says:
    > 'You're probably right, but then I wouldn't have a bloody siren,
    > would I?'
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  • #2
    And another one .................


    New Policy: Effective from March 2007

    Dress Code

    It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary. If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise.

    If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a raise.

    If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and
    therefore you do not need a raise.

    Sick Days

    We will no longer accept a doctors statement as proof of sickness.

    If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.

    Annual Leave Days

    Each employee will receive 104 Annual Leave days a year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.

    Bereavement Leave

    This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-workers. Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend to the arrangements.

    In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral
    should be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early.

    Toilet Use

    Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open, and a picture will be taken.

    After your second offence, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the Chronic offenders category. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sanctioned under the company's mental health policy.

    Lunch Break

    Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more, so that they can look healthy.

    Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure.

    Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
    needed to drink a Slim-Fast.

    Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience.

    Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplation's, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere.
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    • #3
      Sorry, but here's another one....

      A cabbie picks up a nun. She gets into the cab, and notices that the very handsome cab driver won't stop staring at her. She asks him why he is staring.

      He replies: "I have a question to ask you, but I don't want to offend you"

      She answers, "My son, you cannot offend me. When you're as old as I am and have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything. I'm sure that there's nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive."

      "Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me."

      She responds, "Well, let's see what we can do about that: 1) you have to be single and 2) you must be Catholic."

      The cab driver is very excited and says, "Yes, I'm single and Catholic!"

      "Ok" the nun says. "Pull into the next alley."

      The nun fulfills the cab driver's fantasy with a kiss that would make a hooker blush.

      When they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying.

      "My dear child," said the nun, "why are you crying?"

      "Forgive me but I have sinned. I lied and I must confess, I'm married and I'm Jewish."

      The nun says, "That's ok. My name's Kevin and I'm going to a Halloween party."
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      • #4
        Very entertaining JB (the office jokes sound just like where I used to work!)...are you moving out of crafting & planning a new stand-up career ?


        • #5


          • #6
            Originally posted by BeadsbyLili View Post
            Very entertaining JB (the office jokes sound just like where I used to work!)...are you moving out of crafting & planning a new stand-up career ?
            Ha Ha! Probably earn more money that way!!

            I've kept in touch with some of the girls I used to work with and they send me the better ones
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            • #7
              Very entertaining!!


              • #8

                They're the best jokes I've heard in ages!! (Hope you don't mind but I've copied & sent them to some friends)

                "One must have chaos in oneself in order to give birth to a dancing star."