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Joke for a Friday

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  • Joke for a Friday

    Just got sent this and it tickled my funny bone!!
    Subject: Mrs. Johnson
    Mrs. Johnson decided to have her own portrait
    painted by a well-known artist.
    She told the artist, "Paint me with one-carat
    diamond earrings, a large 2 carat diamond ring with baguettes... glimmering emerald bracelets, and a beautiful, red ruby pendant."
    "But ma'am, you are not wearing any of those
    "I know," said Mrs Johnson. "My health is not good
    and my husband is having an affair with his secretary.
    When I die I'm sure he will marry her, and I want the
    b* tch to go nuts looking for the jewelry."

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  • #2

    A man is driving down a country road and his car breaks down
    near a monastery. He goes to the monastery, knocks on the
    door, and says, "My car broke down. Do you think I could stay
    the night?" The Monks graciously accept him, feed him dinner,
    show him to a room, and even fix his car. As the man tries to
    fall asleep, he hears a strange sound. A beautiful sound not like
    anything he's ever heard before. The Sirens that nearly seduced
    Odysseus into crashing his ship comes to his mind. He doesn't
    sleep that night. He tosses and turns trying to figure out what
    could possibly be making such a seductive sound.

    The next morning, he asks the Monks what the sound was, but
    they say, "We can't tell you. You're not a Monk." Distraught, the
    man is forced to leave. Years later, after never being able to f orget
    that sound , the man goes back to the monastery and pleads for
    the answer again. The Monks reply, "We can't tell you. You're not
    a Monk." The man says, "If the only way I can find out what is
    making that beautiful sound is to become a Monk, then please,
    make me a Monk."

    The Monks reply, "You must travel the earth and tell us how many
    blades of grass there are and the exact number of grains of sand.
    When you find the answer to these questions, you will have become
    a Monk." The man sets about his task. After years of searching he
    returns as a gray-haired old man and knocks on the door of the
    monastery. A Monk answers. He is taken before a gathering of all
    the Monks. "In my quest to find what makes that beautiful sound, I
    traveled the earth and have found what you asked for: "By design, the
    world is in a state of perpetual change. Only God knows what you ask.
    All a man can know is himself, and only then if he is honest and reflect ive
    and willing to strip away self deception."

    The Monks reply, "Congratulations. You have become a Monk. We
    shall now show you the way to the mystery of the sacred sound."
    The Monks lead the man to a wooden door, where the head monk says,
    "The sound is beyond that door." The Monks give him the key, and he
    opens the door. Behind the wooden door is another door made of stone.
    The man is given the key to the stone door and he opens it, only to find a
    door made of ruby. And so it went that he needed keys to doors of emerald,
    pearl and diamond. Finally, they come to a door made of solid gold.

    The sound has now become very clear and definite. The Monks say, "This
    is the last key to the last door." The man is apprehensive to no end. His
    life's wish is behind that door! With trembling hands, he unlocks the door,
    turns the knob, and slowly pushes the door open. Falling to his knees, he
    is utterly amazed to discover the source of that haunting and seductive sound.....

    But I can't tell you what it is because you're not a Monk.
    Apple Tree Crafts


    • #3
      I like those!!! Heres one I got the other day.

      Two chimps get into a bath. One says,
      "Ooo, aa, ee, oo, aaa, eee, aaah, oooh".
      The other replies, "Put some cold water in, then!'
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      • #4
        Originally posted by Apple Tree Crafts View Post

        But I can't tell you what it is because you're not a Monk.

        AARRRRRRRRGGGGGHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
        Bowed Over
        Handmade Dog Collar Accessories


        • #5
          The pain!!!

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