Joke for a Friday

[Bowed Over]

Just got sent this and it tickled my funny bone!!
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Subject: Mrs. Johnson
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Mrs. Johnson decided to have her own portrait
painted by a well-known artist.
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She told the artist, "Paint me with one-carat
diamond earrings, a large 2 carat diamond ring with baguettes... glimmering emerald bracelets, and a beautiful, red ruby pendant."
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"But ma'am, you are not wearing any of those
things."
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"I know," said Mrs Johnson. "My health is not good
and my husband is having an affair with his secretary.
When I die I'm sure he will marry her, and I want the
b* tch to go nuts looking for the jewelry."

[Apple Tree Crafts]

Monks...

A man is driving down a country road and his car breaks down
near a monastery. He goes to the monastery, knocks on the
door, and says, "My car broke down. Do you think I could stay
the night?" The Monks graciously accept him, feed him dinner,
show him to a room, and even fix his car. As the man tries to
fall asleep, he hears a strange sound. A beautiful sound not like
anything he's ever heard before. The Sirens that nearly seduced
Odysseus into crashing his ship comes to his mind. He doesn't
sleep that night. He tosses and turns trying to figure out what
could possibly be making such a seductive sound.

The next morning, he asks the Monks what the sound was, but
they say, "We can't tell you. You're not a Monk." Distraught, the
man is forced to leave. Years later, after never being able to f orget
that sound , the man goes back to the monastery and pleads for
the answer again. The Monks reply, "We can't tell you. You're not
a Monk." The man says, "If the only way I can find out what is
making that beautiful sound is to become a Monk, then please,
make me a Monk."

The Monks reply, "You must travel the earth and tell us how many
blades of grass there are and the exact number of grains of sand.
When you find the answer to these questions, you will have become
a Monk." The man sets about his task. After years of searching he
returns as a gray-haired old man and knocks on the door of the
monastery. A Monk answers. He is taken before a gathering of all
the Monks. "In my quest to find what makes that beautiful sound, I
traveled the earth and have found what you asked for: "By design, the
world is in a state of perpetual change. Only God knows what you ask.
All a man can know is himself, and only then if he is honest and reflect ive
and willing to strip away self deception."

The Monks reply, "Congratulations. You have become a Monk. We
shall now show you the way to the mystery of the sacred sound."
The Monks lead the man to a wooden door, where the head monk says,
"The sound is beyond that door." The Monks give him the key, and he
opens the door. Behind the wooden door is another door made of stone.
The man is given the key to the stone door and he opens it, only to find a
door made of ruby. And so it went that he needed keys to doors of emerald,
pearl and diamond. Finally, they come to a door made of solid gold.

The sound has now become very clear and definite. The Monks say, "This
is the last key to the last door." The man is apprehensive to no end. His
life's wish is behind that door! With trembling hands, he unlocks the door,
turns the knob, and slowly pushes the door open. Falling to his knees, he
is utterly amazed to discover the source of that haunting and seductive sound.....























But I can't tell you what it is because you're not a Monk.

[swirlyarts]

I like those!!! Heres one I got the other day.

Two chimps get into a bath. One says,
"Ooo, aa, ee, oo, aaa, eee, aaah, oooh".
The other replies, "Put some cold water in, then!'

[Bowed Over]

But I can't tell you what it is because you're not a Monk.

AARRRRRRRRGGGGGHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[0103media]

The pain!!!