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Am I being unkind?

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  • Am I being unkind?

    Yesterday I was at an event, there was a stall with a young lady who had just started out.

    She came striding over to me and said ( without any introduction or small talk)
    "so and so says that you do lots of events, as I am new on the circuit, I have bought my diary over, so could you give me a list of all that you doing this year"

    I responded that I don't keep that information in my head, she said "you must know which events you are doing - you're just being mean" an then walked away.

    It has taken me 3 years of networking, googling and hard work to get known on my circuit, many people helped me in the early days and I have helped many others, but I was really taken aback by her attitude - how would you have responded or am I just a grumpy old woman
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  • #2
    I don't think you were being grumpy and this situation is difficult. I never mind sharing event details with other crafter's, some of my friends say I am too helpful but I cannot change who I am.

    Saying that had this young lady come up to me with that attitude I would have said that I have researched on the internet for days/months finding out this info and it is kept in a file at home and do not have my office with me at present and I am afraid I would have had a quiet word and suggested that she asks with a please next time as some people can be put off by abruptness. I think she was just being lazy and perhaps needs to learn some manners.

    Don't let this get you down. Hugs


    • #3
      I don't think you were being grumpy. When people ask me things that abruptly, my mind goes completely blank! Also, you're right, at least make small talk first! Why should you do her research? Did anyone do yours?

      I don't think she'll find ANYONE how would just hand over their events diary for her to copy, and why the hell should they?



      • #4
        I think she was being extremely rude! I'd have probably responded in similar lines to the other suggestions, stating that manners cost nothing and perhaps it would have been nice to start with a polite introduction if you expect to benefit from the kindness and experience of others.

        What I would have been thinking in my head would have been far less polite!

        Wood Tattoos
        Decorative Pyrography for all Occasions - Author of "Woodburning with Style" (2010) and "Learn to Burn" (2013)


        • #5
          You were not just being grumpy, and although she thought you were being mean ( you weren't) , she was being downright rude. I would have given the same response as you.
          I have sometimes asked, - and been asked myself - about other fairs but only once we have been chatting and got to know each other a bit.
          I have also been asked several times at craft fairs about where I get my supplies. Three of them were obviously asking in order to copy my work. I usually give a rather vague answer about getting them all over the place and give them a few names that can be found easily with a google search or people I know from the forums.



          • #6
            I don't think you were being unkind or grumpy at all, I think she was being incredibly rude!!!

            I'm happy to share information with other people once we've had a natter and built up some rapport, but, like you, I put time & effort into finding & booking fairs, which can be hard with jewellery as its so crowded, so I wouldn't just offer my events diary up for someone else to use either.

            I had a new jewellery maker pestering me at a fair last year asking 'where did you buy your packaging from? which wholesalers do you use? where do you buy your finidngs' ALL DAY LONG I nearly lost my temper with her but in the end told her to do a search on google to see what she could come up with. She then said 'what should I search for?' AARGH!

            I'm all for helping people and I truly believe that us crafters should 'stick together' as much as we can, but I'll only help people who put in some effort themselves. Maybe that's selfish, but I don't expect things to be handed to me on a plate so why should others?

            Rant over -ahhh that's better

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            • #7
              Thanks all, I am not feeling so unkind about it now.

              I think most of us who have been on the circuit a while have a networking group who we share information with, I usually share information on a points type system, you give me one, I'll give you one back type thing.
              I also have to consider the others in my group, for example, this girl made products very similar to one of the guys in my group, how would he have felt if I go giving out events that he will be standing at? Particularly as he has helped me so much.

              As for giving out info on suppliers, that is a definite no, no. I will give names but not the ones I use unless I know them very well.

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              • #8
                I don't think you were being grumpy at all i wouldnt of told her if she was like that i had a young girl ask me the same thing she sells the same things as me and i just told her i didnt think 2 of the same thing would work at most of the fairs i do and it was best she find her own fairs. I wouldnt mind her doing the same as me if her stuff wasnt so much like mine each time we do the same fair her stall is getting more and more like mine all the time lol. Plus im getting a lot of pms and e-mails of people asking me can i teach them how to make my gifts like you its took me years to come up with some of my ideas and i dont feel like just passing over on how to make my stuff but like you said i feel mean about not doing it. I aslo get asked a lot where i buy my stuff from there is no way im telling her that as her stuff will look just like mine lol

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                • #9
                  Bloomin eck, I think you were very restrained.
                  How rude to think that you'd just hand over all your contacts!
                  Nic x
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                  • #10
                    I agree with everyone, you were certainly not being grumpy. We are all happy to share information (to a certain degree!!) with people we get to know and even new contacts who approach us in the right way, but as you say we have all had to work at building up our own events etc. Not really on to expect someone to pass on all that info to someone they have never met, who can't approach people in the right way either. If I feel someone has something different to offer to the organisers of an event I normally I do I am happy to pass on their e-mail address, but not to give a complete list of all your events. No way.


                    • #11
                      I completely agree with everything the others have said, how very rude of her! and how very restrained of you!

                      As you said, we all spend a long time building up contacts and are helped and in turn help others along the way but she sounds as if she wants everything handed to her so she doesn't have to do any of the hard work.


                      • #12
                        I agree with the others too, manners cost nothing! It shows what a nice person you are as you are worrying about it now. I would not be surprised if she has not even realised she has been so rude and almost certainly won't be worrying about having hurt your feelings (if you get my drift!?)

                        Helena xxx


                        • #13
                          Thanks for that Helena, the system says I now have to wait 24hrs before giving out any more rep points

                          I'll get you next time

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                          • #14
                            Whilst we all want to help where we can, there is a line and it sounds like she crossed the line by even asking you for this information.
                            If she had used a more friendly approach you probably would have helped her with pointers and advice.
                            You did the right thing.


                            • #15
                              I think her reply to you showed she had a stinky attitude and you were right not to give her the info....maybe next time you could tell her about a few of the rubbish fairs instead

                              When I did craft fairs I don't think I ever asked other stallholders for details, we'd get chatting and then we'd offer info to each other - including those not to do as well as the successful ones. There was one particular lady and we'd frequently email each other when we got new info on fairs...and even though I don't do craft fairs anymore we still keep in touch
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