Is it selfish ..........?

[*karen*]

to not want to teach my friends how to make jewellery.

One friend in particular wants to learn and start making stuff and selling stuff like I do however I am so reluctant to teach her as it's my thing, my hobby and my passion. Am I completely selfish??

The thing is I only sell my jewellery so that I can afford to make more and people noticed what I was wearing and so I started to sell some items by luck really and now I really enjoy getting ready for my craft fairs, and the social side of it and coming on here and meeting like minded people. But my friend only wants to do it to make money and wants to sell her stuff on my website and to share a stall and things but I have worked really hard to get to the stage where I am confident to sell my jewellery.

It's all mine, mine, mine!!

[PeggyCrafts]

Hi Karen

No, I don't think you're being selfish at all - if anything I think your friend is being a little selfish by asking. You've put in loads of hard work to get where you are now, not just the fun things but all of the website design, going to craft fairs, not to mention the money you've put into it. If she wants to make money out of it, she needs to invest her time and her own money first - not just tag along on the back of all the effort you've put in.

Do what you think is best - if you don't feel comfortable letting her sell thru your website, don't do it - it's your business.

Helen x

[Ifor-Jones]

Absolutely - I totally agree with Helen's reply. Be firm.

[Poppy4lee]

I don't think you're being selfish either. I honestly don't think that people realise just how hard it is to, not only acquire a skill like jewellery making but, also, to get your own business up and running. Putting together a website can be a nightmare, not to mention finding customers and keeping records etc. etc!!
I would say to her, that in order to develop her own style and let her own creativity come through, she really needs to be self taught. You could tell her about any instruction books that you found useful and perhaps offer to help if she gets stuck but say the best way to learn is from your own mistakes and she needs to practice, practice and then do some more practicing!!!
With regard to her wanting to sell through your website, I'd advise her that, because she sees it as a money making venture (laughs uncontrollably , at this point!) the best way forward would be to do her own marketing and set up her own site, or, she could try sites like Hannah Zakari http://www.hannahzakari.co.uk/howtosell/ who are all set up for selling other peoples stuff.
Let us know how you get on, it's sooo hard to say 'no' to friends, let her know that just doing your own thing is really time consuming and the thought of taking on a teaching role and going into partnership just won't fit into the time available to you.
Lots of luck

[Littlegems_cm]

I'm with Helen on this one Karen, I think you're right not wanting to teach her.

The dilemma is that if she's a good friend then you probably don't want to upset her. Perhaps encourage her to research a different craft - textiles or candles maybe? So that way it gives her a craft and an opportunity to make money, but without trying to piggyback on all your hard work.
It also means that she can come along to the fairs you go to and have her own table, you could advise her on how to set up a website etc so that she feels part of it, but so that she has to do the work herself!

Hope you get it sorted, it's a toughy!

Cx

[charlotte]

Totally understand

I totally agree with Helen, but at the same time it is hard to say no to the friends.

Every time that I wanted to be firm with my friends they broke up with me.
So just before saying no to them evaluate how important is your friendship with them and how may they react if you say no to them.

[Roseberry Crafts]

No, I don't think you're being selfish either. You sound very happy with the way things are at the moment so don't change anything! Saying no to people can very hard but you if you decide what you are going to say before hand then you'll probably find people will take it better than you expected. Good luck!

[beadsbydesign]

I teach jewellery making and crafts. However, i've made a choice not to teach tiara and my weeding related crafts. I've spent over three years perfecting and developing my ideas and I have a nice little business with them. People have approached me before to teach them but I've always said no. I to felt a little selfish, but you need to look after your own interest.
Several people on the forum have had similar issues before.

[craftdancer]

I agree with all the comments received. If your friend wanted to start a new job as an accountant to earn more money she wouldn't expect her office colleagues to teach her how to do the job, so why should you give your time for no return?

Linda

[mrs*h]

i agree , if she is a true friend she will understand .... you have spent your time building up the custermers and making it work for you why should she think that she can come along and do it aswell and potentually ruin what you have built up .
by all means if she wants to learn like others have said tell her about books and web sites to help her along but i agree 100% that if you dont want to then you dont have to Wendy

[The Bead Fairy]

I think everyone is right.
If she really wants to do something creative even if it is money based, you could point her in the direction of different crafts and crafting classes. I think she'll soon realise that crafting is certainly not a get rich quick sort of thing, but if she gives things a go she may find something she will really enjoy.
It may be that she has seen how much you get out of your jewellery making, and is a bit envious so it would be nice if you could help her find her own creative hobby to get into!

[*karen*]

Thanks for all of your replys, all very helpful advice.

I have already had problems with this friend with regard to me making her jewellery at a cut price as we're friends she assumes she should get some sort of discount which is fine I do do that for friends and family, however she practically wants it for free and then even has the cheek to tell me that she can get it cheaper in Top Shop!

I must say my jewellery making is the only thing that I have for myself, a way of escape and something that although I am fairly new to it I am proud of and I thoroughly support the handmade only ethos that we all seem to have on the forum and I think her attitude to jewellery making goes against that. She even mentioned selling ready made jewellery and buying stuff in from Ebay to sell on at a profit, please don't all break into a sweat when you read this!

I will think of what to say to her tonight so at least it won't come out all jumbled and I end up backing down. Thanks again!

[Jo W]

I agree with everyone else she really should have to work her way up like you have had to not try to gain from all your hard work.

Good luck with telling her how you fell tonight. Let us know how it goes. If she is a good friend hopefully she will understand.

[Ifor-Jones]

Well with comments like that about the cost of your work perhaps she is not cut out to try jewellery making anyway!!!! Problem solved.

[Poppy4lee]

Thanks for all of your replys, all very helpful advice.

I have already had problems with this friend with regard to me making her jewellery at a cut price as we're friends she assumes she should get some sort of discount which is fine I do do that for friends and family, however she practically wants it for free and then even has the cheek to tell me that she can get it cheaper in Top Shop!

Please don't take this the wrong way but, from what you've said, she doesn't seem like a true friend. My friends and family really want to support me in my ventures and always insist that I don't give them discount. It seems as if she thinks that jewellery making is easy peasy lemon squeezy & that she can buy cheap bits, throw them together and make a load of dosh. I think the reality will hit her when she tries to make something herself (let alone when tries to sell it as well) I hope she'll then realise how much thought, time and effort goes into each of your pieces and will, hopefully, appreciate them a bit more. If she doesn't, I'd tell her to p*ss off down to Top Shop so that she can wear the same cheap cr*p that thousands of other people are wearing!!
Sorry if that was a bit OTT but I just really feel for you and it must be really horrid to be placed in such an awkward situation. I think the suggestion, that others have made, to encourage her to try different crafts, is a really good one.