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Pregnancy, oestrogen and women...

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  • Pregnancy, oestrogen and women...


    Pregnancy Q &A &more!


    Q: Should I have a baby after 35?

    A: No, 35 children is enough.


    Q: I'm two months pregnant now. When will my baby move?

    A: With any luck, right after he finishes college.


    Q: What is the most reliable method to determine a baby's sex?

    A: Childbirth.


    Q: My wife is five months pregnant and so moody that sometimes she's borderline irrational.

    A: So what's your question?


    Q: My childbirth instructor says it's not pain I'll feel during labor, but pressure. Is she right?

    A: Yes, in the same way that a tornado might be called an air current.


    Q: When is the best time to get an epidural?

    A! : Right after you find out you're pregnant.


    Q: Is there any reason I have to be in the delivery room while my wife is in labor?

    A: Not unless the word 'alimony' means anything to you.


    Q: Is there anything I should avoid while recovering from childbirth?

    A: Yes, pregnancy.


    Q: Do I have to have a baby shower?

    A: Not if you change the baby's diaper very quickly.


    Q: Our baby was born last week. When will my wife begin to feel and act normal again?

    A: When the kids are in college.


    'ESTROGEN ISSUES'

    10 WAYS TO KNOW IF YOU HAVE 'ESTROGEN ISSUES'


    1. Everyonearound you has an attitude problem.
    2. You're adding chocolate chips to your cheese omelet.
    3 The dryer has shrunk every last pair of your jeans.
    4. Your husband is suddenly agreeing to everything you say.
    5. You're using your cellular phone to dial up every bumper sticker that says: 'How's my driving-call 1- 800-'.
    6. Everyone's head looks like an invitation to batting practice.
    7. Everyone seems to have just landed here from 'outer space'.
    8. Your not as nice as you used to be and you used to be a bitch
    9. You're sure that everyone is scheming to drive you crazy.
    10. The ibuprofen bottle is empty and you bought it yesterday.


    TOP TEN THINGS ONLY WOMEN UNDERSTAND

    10. Cats' facial expressions.
    9. The need for the same style of shoes in different colors.
    8. Why bean sprouts aren't just weeds.
    7. Fat clothes.
    6 Taking a car trip without trying to beat your best time.
    5. The difference between beige, ecru, cream, off-white, and eggshell.
    4 Cutting your hair to make it grow.
    3. Eyelash curlers.
    2. The inaccuracy of every bathroom scale ever made.


    AND, the Number One thing only women understand
    :
    1. Other women
    View my flickr

    'I am sure it must hurt your eyes to work filigree by candlelight.' - Jane Austen

  • #2
    Very good hehehehee
    .


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    • #3
      ROFL, now this I can relate too
      Vendi..Verdi..Visa...
      I came..I saw..I shopped

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      • #4
        I'm ok with the cat's facial expressions bit, but the rest is a mystery.

        Comment


        • #5
          Originally posted by indri View Post

          TOP TEN THINGS ONLY WOMEN UNDERSTAND

          10. Cats' facial expressions. Not I
          9. The need for the same style of shoes in different colors. Yeah, I get that one
          8. Why bean sprouts aren't just weeds.
          7. Fat clothes. yep, and very occasionally, thin clothes!
          6 Taking a car trip without trying to beat your best time. mmmm, sorry, I quite enjoy that one
          5. The difference between beige, ecru, cream, off-white, and eggshell. - nope, no idea!
          4 Cutting your hair to make it grow. what??
          3. Eyelash curlers. Only recently, but yeah, I understand that one now!
          2. The inaccuracy of every bathroom scale ever made. It is actually true! I get weighed by my hospital and their scales make me 5kg heavier than my scales!


          AND, the Number One thing only women understand
          :
          1. Other women - Nope, sorry, I just don't get them!
          Following on from a lunch time discussion with colleagues, who claim I am not "normal" I thought I would make comment on the above.

          Sorry ladies, I just don't get it......

          Oh, and why can men have their hair cut for £6, when I am expected to pay at least £35? (Or increasingly up to £50)

          I do like shoes though
          www.beadlab.com

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          • #6
            Well......

            .......that all makes perfect sense to me.


            Was it supposed to be a joke?

            Jules

            PS We have had several cat facial expressions today. There was the one when I caught him with the goldfish out of the pond. The one when I shouted at him and confiscated the fish, and lastly, the one of utter disbelief as he stood there and watched me flush a perfectly good snack down the loo....
            Apple Tree Crafts
            www.appletreecraftfairs.com

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            • #7
              Very Good

              Janice
              www.freewebs.com/clipclophorseshoes

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              • #8
                Originally posted by indri View Post

                'ESTROGEN ISSUES'

                4. Your husband is suddenly agreeing to everything you say.
                5. You're using your cellular phone to dial up every bumper sticker that says: 'How's my driving-call 1- 800-'.
                Oh-oh......

                I've been tempted to ring a few of the numbers today
                heheheh!!

                Comment


                • #9
                  YES, I do cut my hair to make it grow!
                  All v funny indeed - sorry if I'm reviving old threads but I'm new & I've spent many enjoyable hours trawling the forum today - and tonight - and no doubt bedtime will come late this evening...

                  PS I have two cats, brother & sister:
                  HER facial expressions usually mean "let me in, I've caught you another field mouse! How clever am I? Whaddya mean, I cant crunch its head on the living room carpet?!"
                  HIS facial expressions usually mean "Wow, how DO you do that? I'm happy hunting the stains on the living room carpet"
                  Keepsake Kollections
                  & Rossendale Ramblings!
                  http://focusonlife-shaz.blogspot.com

                  Where else can you get Mental and Retail Therapy?!

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