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Funny E-mail

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  • Funny E-mail

    Dear All

    My thanks to all those who have sent me emails this past
    year ........

    I must send my thanks to whoever sent me the one about rat s--t in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet towel with every envelope that needs sealing.

    Also,I now have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.

    I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl (Penny Brown); who is about to die in the hospital for the 1,387,258th time.

    I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive the $15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special e-mail program .

    Or from the senior bank clerk in Nigeria who wants me to split $7 million with me for pretending to be a long lost relative of a customer who died intestate.

    I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out for me.

    I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.

    Thanks to you, I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.

    Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca-Cola because it can remove toilet stains.

    I no longer can buy petrol without taking a man along to watch the car so a serial killer won't crawl in my back seat when I'm filling up.

    I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.

    I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica, Uganda, Singapore and
    Uzbekistan.

    Thanks to you, I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big brown African spider is lurking under the seat to cause me instant death when it bites my bum.

    And thanks to your great advice, I can't even pick up the $5.00 I found dropped in the car park because it probably was placed there by a sex molester waiting underneath my car to grab my leg.

    If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhoea will land on your head at 5:00pm this afternoon and the fleas from 12 camels will infest your back, causing you to grow a hairy hump.

    I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbour's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's beautician.

    By the way....a South American scientist after a lengthy study has discovered that people with low IQ who have infrequent sexual activity always read their e-mails with their hand on the mouse.

    Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late.



    I Love My Computer Because My Friends Live In It

  • #2
    I had my hand on the mouse

    Love the email
    Emma
    Luxury craft supplies & magnolia Stamps - Sassy Crafts
    Sassy Crafts Blog
    My Blog

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    • #3
      Snow Angel


      ThankYou!!! Thankyou!!!!!! Thankyou !!!!!

      Was laughing my head off at this. And then laughed again when I realised my hand was on the mouse.

      Cheers Janice
      www.freewebs.com/clipclophorseshoes

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      • #4
        Why do we do that?????
        http://icecreambird.blogspot.com/

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        • #5
          That was good!!! I don't have a mouse though so I guess that last comment can't relate to me
          Visit my Etsy store http://swirlyarts.etsy.com
          My daily thoughts! http://swirlyarts.blogspot.com
          My blog of cute stuff http://cuteable.com


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          • #6
            I had my hand on the mouse too - I think it is because we are all too busy click click clicking away you never take your hand off the mouse unless you want a drink of coffee or a chocolate biscuit.

            Hehe.

            Lisa

            Bowed Over
            Handmade Dog Collar Accessories
            www.bowedover.co.uk

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            • #7
              My hand was on the mouse too!!!!!!! ROFL

              Thanks for the laugh.....I will certainly share this one.

              Pauline
              Personalised Wedding Cake Toppers

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              • #8
                Ha Ha Ha! Thanks for the laugh! and yes..my hand was on my mouse too!!
                Anice xx
                Funkyhand x
                my website
                http://www.funkyhand.com
                my blog (updated 09/06/10)
                http://funkyhand.blogspot.com/
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