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Happy funerals

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  • Happy funerals

    A friend and client of mine died at the weekend. She was younger than me and had two young daughters. She fought a very long and brave battle against a ravaging cancer that caused her face to distort. Through it all she showed amazing courage and faith and died with such grace and dignity.
    her funeral is going to be imediate family only at the crem and then back at church we are going to have a thanksgiving service for her life.
    The thing is, the directive has gone out stating that we should all wear bright colours. I feel a little unsure at what is actually expected. Should i wear my bright red indian set or a pale pink sombre dress?
    Have any of you been to this sort of event where the emphasis is not on death but on life and with this sort of dress code?
    full time mum and very very part time crafter.

  • #2
    Nope not been to an event like that but I guess you should wear whatever you feel comfortable in, just not the traditional black.
    If its what your friend and her family would like then theres no need to feel 'awkward'.

    Poisoned Apple Theatre - Handmade Crafts on Facebook


    • #3
      Sorry to hear about your friend.
      Id say go for the red. If that was her wish and her familys wish to celebrate her life. If you don't feel comfortable with the red just wear what you feel comfortable in.

      Wishing your friend Peace, and freedom from pain. May her family and friends find comfort and strength.


      • #4
        I am so sorry to hear about your friend, she sounds like an amazing lady and a real inspiration. I think it's fantastic that her life is going to be celebrated, what a beautiful way to remember her.

        I've not been to a life celebration service before but I think I would wear whatever I felt most comfortable with, or, something that you know your friend liked to see you wearing.

        To be honest, I bet whatever you choose to wear will be just fine.


        "One must have chaos in oneself in order to give birth to a dancing star."


        • #5
          Bright red - think New Orleans funeral!


          • #6
            I went to something similar for a dear friend who died from lung-cancer (never smoked a cigarette in her life)

            Everybody was there in their smart/casual clothes, I think some of the chaps were in suits, but most of the ladies were in what you'd wear to a smart function-type-do (trying to think of something to use as an example but can only think of "garden party" which just makes me sound pretentious!)

            It was very casual in atmosphere, no formal layout or anything. People would randomly stand up and read a poem or tell a story about the lady that died. It was still quite emotional (obviously), but it was quite peaceful in its way.
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            • #7
              That's very sad to hear,.
              It sounds as though it would be fine to wear the red, but you could always ask the family or someone else who may be going, to put your mind at rest.
              A friend of ours died last year in a road accident.
              The dress code for the funeral was 'no black, unless it's leathers, oily overalls welcome'
              We all just went in our everyday clothes...mostly jeans and overalls!!(he was a machanic)
              It was great that every one of the couple of hundred people who came stuck to the dress code as it was excatly what he would have wanted.

              Hope the funeral goes ok.. if that's possible..


              • #8
                Sorry to hear your sad news. Red sounds fine if your comfortable in it. I've been to a couple of funerals for young people unfortuneately and although very sad, there is a sense of celebrating a life, and if the family has asked for bright colours you should wear a bright colour.


                • #9
                  Originally posted by peter View Post
                  Bright red - think New Orleans funeral!

                  Now when I think of new orleans funerals, all I can think of is the James Bond opening "whose funeral is it?" "Yours" Then the mood changing as the coffin is picked up with it's new victim and when the saints blasting out on the flugel!!

                  Thanks for all your thoughts and comments. I do apprecieate it!
                  full time mum and very very part time crafter.


                  • #10
                    What Would You Wear...

                    ....if you were meeting your friend to go out for lunch or somewhere? What would you wear that you know would have made your friend say 'Hey, you look really good!!' Then, wear that!

                    I can understand the sentiment entirely. When our son died, we specified no he was so young, just 14 hours old, we felt that black would be wrong.

                    We tried very hard to make the day a 'light' one, and all the younger members of the family came too. We had no hymns, just very joyful music. And it helped. Afterwards we had a very large family get-together, not a wake, because Toby hadn't seen much of life and most people who came to the funeral came for us, to be with us, because they never saw Toby.

                    The less sombre atmosphere helped our older children, and it helped us, just as I'm sure it will help you and your friend's family.

                    You have my deepest sympathy,

                    Apple Tree Crafts


                    • #11
                      Yep red
                      Cos it will be raining anyway and muted colours always look worse in bad weather

                      I had two friends die very young - one I'd known since I was 4 and its hard to realise that it was 10 years ago.

                      All very sad but celebrate the good times as that is what you will remember


                      • #12
                        Sorry to hear this news. I agree with those that have said to wear what you are most comfortable with -you need to feel comfortable yourself to cope with the day.

                        I heard that a friend had died a couple of days ago - just collapsed at work, no illness or anything! But he was a person who has touched SO many lives, I know his funeral will be similar - a celebration of the person he was.


                        • #13
                          So sorry to hear about your friend BBD, and my heart goes out to her two young children, life can be so cruel.

                          My sister died 10 years ago at the age of 26 from a brain tumour and I have to say I thoroughly enjoyed the funeral ...... which I know will sound bizarre to many of you!!

                          Obviously it was still very upsetting, but the day was everything it should have been to celebrate her life, was vibrant and buzzing just like she was and we asked people to come as they liked but please no black, most people wore shades of blue as it was her favourite colour.

                          She had suffered for such a long while, from the age of 18, that in a way it was a celebration that she was free from the suffering at last, she had so many good friends and we chose her favourite music throughout the service so it was no hymns. As much as it still upsets me to think about her dying, and how much I miss her, thinking of that day always puts a smile on my face as I know it was everything she would have wanted. I have always said since I want mine to be the same, no black, just a big celebration.
                          Jo x

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                          • #14
                            Well I thought I'd let you know how yesterday went.
                            Sommerwood I do know exactly what you mean when you say that you "thoroughly enjoyed the funeral of your sister", becuse that's how I felt about yesterday.
                            Firstly I wore the pink.... chickened out of the red! but there were loads and loads of bright colours there. Some people had obviously not got the message and still arived in black!
                            The service started with cold play's "fix you" with some beautiful images being shown on the screens. it was a real tear jurker!
                            There was then a formal hymn which was sung with real gusto.
                            Footprints in the sand was read and then a modern hymn was sung. Then Sarah's husband gave a mooving eulogy.
                            Then for me the most beautiful and moving moment where Robbie Williams Angels was played and the loads of children in Sarah's life brought gerberers to the front of church to put in a vase to symbolise her involvement with a local charity fund raising to provide cancer care in the local area.
                            To see her two girls aged 8 and 10 being so happy to do it and then to see a friends child take his flower. He is so happy that until yesterday I had never seen him anything but happy, he was crying so much, but it was all so moving.
                            Two young girls then danced to wonderful world by Louis Armstrong.
                            There were the usual prayers etc and then we all went out to "I love to boogie" from Billy Elliot (one of her favourite films)
                            It was such a privaledge to be there.
                            Don't know who was looking after our children at the local school yesterday because there were loads of the teachers and heads there.
                            full time mum and very very part time crafter.