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True stories from British Hospitals

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  • True stories from British Hospitals

    1. A man dashes into the A&E dept. and yells . . . 'My wife's going to have her baby in the taxi'.
    I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the taxi, lifted the lady's dress and began to take off her underwear. Suddenly after protests from the lady I noticed that there were several taxis - - - and I was in the wrong one.
    Submitted by Dr. Mark MacDonald , St.. Andrews Hosp. Glasgow

    2. At the beginning of my shift, I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall.
    'Big breaths,'. I instructed.
    'Yes, they used to be,'. . . replied the patient..
    Submitted by Dr. Richard Barnes , St.Thomas's Bath

    3 One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that her husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct. Not more than five minutes later, I heard her on her mobile phone reporting to the rest of the family that he had died of a
    'massive internal fart.'
    Submitted by Dr. Susan Steinberg Royal London Hosp.

    4. During a patient's two week follow-up appointment, he told me that he was having trouble with one of his medications.
    'Which one ?'. . .. I asked.
    'The patch; the Nurse told me to put on a new one every six hours and now I'm running out of places to put it!'
    I had him quickly undress and discovered what I hoped I wouldn't see. Yes, the man had over fifty patches on his body!
    Now, the instructions includes removal of the old patch before applying a new one.
    Submitted by Dr. Rebecca St. Clair, Norfolk General

    5. While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked 'How long have you been bedridden?'
    After a look of complete confusion she answered .'Why, not for about twenty years - when my husband was still alive.'
    Submitted by Dr. Steven Swanson- Maidenhead Royal Kent

    6. I was performing rounds at the hospital one morning and while checking up on a man I asked . . .' So how was your breakfast this morning?'
    'It's very good except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can't seem to get used to the taste.'. . Bob replied.
    I then asked to see the jelly and Bob produced a foil packet labelled 'KY Jelly.'
    Submitted by Dr. Leonard J. Brandon . Bristol Infirmary.

    7. A nurse was on duty in the A&E when a young woman with purple hair styled into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting a variety of tattoos, and wearing strange clothing, entered . . It was quickly determined that the patient had acute appendicitis, so she was scheduled for an immediate operation..
    When she was completely disrobed on the operating table, the staff noticed that her pubic hair had been dyed green, and above it there was a tattoo that read . . .'Keep off the grass'
    Once the surgery was completed, the surgeon wrote a short note on the patient's dressing, which read 'Sorry . . . had to mow the lawn.'
    Submitted by Staff Nurse RN Elaine Fogerty , KGH London
    Dr. wouldn't submit his name

  • #2
    Very good!!!

    Wood Tattoos
    Decorative Pyrography for all Occasions - Author of "Woodburning with Style" (2010) and "Learn to Burn" (2013)


    • #3
      Wonderful stuff!!

      Sue x


      • #4
        Shall i add a few?


        when i was a student nurse I was sent to obtain a sputem (phlegm) sample from a patient. I did ask if he knew what I meant because he was looking mighty confused.
        I went back to collect it and he handed me a pot stuffed with s***. He then proceed to discribe how he'd managed to squeeze the stuff in. I didn't have the heart to tell him that wasn't sputum!

        As a third year I took a new student into a side room to lay out a man who had just died on the night shift. I went into al the proceedures. By the time the ward meeting was finished and the senior staff came out, the bed had been changed and the porters rmoved the body, notes and all. Feeling very pleased with myself i informed the sister whose face went ashen. I turned round and there was the Rabi, come to lay out the jewish man because jewish practicce we weren't allowed to. Quick thinking on the sisters part meant that the first year was shoved in the office with the rabi so he could tell her all about jewish rituals. the rest of us ran round like headless chilckens getting the porters back and dressing the man backinto his jarmas and tucking him back up into bed!
        full time mum and very very part time crafter.


        • #5
          LOL at No. 7!!!!!



          • #6
            LMAO...all very funny

            not really a medical one but a conversation i overheard once between 2 hospital cleaners....

            "my poor mum hasn't been out the house for nearly a week"

            "aww is she ill ?"

            "not really, she has coleslaws ( coldsores ) all over her mouth and they look awful "

            lol, made me smile behind the curtain !!
            Cinderella is proof that a new pair of shoes CAN change your life !!

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            • #7
              ha ha ha.... these are funny!
              It reminds me of a conversation I had with my mom when I told her my friend was marrying an Albanian..... she said "oh, I bet he looks funny with his milk-white skin"........ she thought I meant albino!!!
              Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings

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              • #8
                haha!!! Very good


                • #9
                  Very very funny!!!
                  Lady Lora