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Thought we needed a laugh!

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  • Thought we needed a laugh!

    Council and housing association complaints

    The following are real extracts from actual complaint letters sent to various councils and housing associations throughout the UK. What a literate bunch we Brits truly are!

    I want some repairs done to my cooker as it has backfired and burnt my knob off.

    I wish to complain that my father hurt his ankle very badly when he put his foot in the hole in his back passage, and their 18 year old son is continually banging his balls against my fence.

    I wish to report that tiles are missing from the outside toilet roof. I think it was bad wind the other night that blew them off.

    My lavatory seat is cracked, where do I stand.

    I am writing on behalf of my sink, which is coming away from the wall.

    Will you please send someone to mend the garden path. My wife tripped and fell on it yesterday and now she is pregnant. We are getting married in September and we would like it in the garden before we move into the house.

    I request permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen.

    50% of the walls are damp, 50% have crumbling plaster and the rest are plain filthy.

    I am still having problems with smoke in my new drawers.

    The toilet is blocked and we cannot bath the children until it is cleared.

    Will you please send a man to look at my water, it is a funny colour and not fit to drink.

    Our lavatory seat is broken in half and is now in three pieces.

    Would you please send a man to repair my spout. I am an old age pensioner and need it badly.

    I want to complain about the farmer across the road; every morning at 6am his cock wakes me up, and its now getting too much for me.

    The man next door has a large erection in the back garden, which is unsightly and dangerous.

    Our kitchen floor is damp. We have two children and would like a third so please send someone round to do something about it.

    I am a single woman living in a downstairs flat and would you please do something about the noise made by the man I have on top of me every night.

    Please send a man with the right tool to finish the job and satisfy my wife.

    I have had the clerk of the works down on the floor six times but I still have no satisfaction.

    This is to let you know that our lavatory seat is broken and we can’t get BBC2.

    My bush is really overgrown round the front and my back passage has fungus growing in it,

    … and he’s got this huge tool that vibrates the whole house and I just can't take it anymore.

    ... that is his excuse for dogs mess that I find hard to swallow.


  • #2
    Made me laugh!

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    • #3

      This is still doing the rounds - first saw it 30+ years ago - but the old ones are always the best!

      There was a gas board one - can you send a man round to turn me on etc.

      Still makes me laugh.

      Take care

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      • #4
        Ha ha ha ha that has really made me chuckle! Brilliant! I like the one where the wife tripped on the path and is now pregnant lol!


        • #5
          Excellent, had a good old laugh, thank you
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          • #6
            very good, made me laugh too.
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            • #7
              Lol, very good... heard these before but the old ones are definitely the best lol


              • #8
                Made me laugh as well. I saw a similar thing once from insurance claims. Very funny!


                • #9
                  Hee hee they're great - It's always good to have a giggle on a friday

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                  • #10
                    My cat is staring at me with an alarmed look on her face as I shrieked with laughter - thanks for a great laugh, the cat is not amused tho
                    Terry xxx
                    You can't have everything. Where would you put it all?" - Steven Wright
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                    • #11
                      Fantastic. I love those
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                      • #12
                        oh dear absolutely brilliant, I have had to stifle my laughter because my children won't understand what I'm laughing at!!!

                        Thanks a million!!!!
                        Reach for the moon-if you miss-you'll still be amongst stars


                        • #13
                          Oh my gosh! That's the best laugh I've had in ages! Just the tonic required- thank you!


                          • #14
                            Quite an old thread, but funny is funny! Laughter is the best medicine.


                            • #15
                              So funny needed a laugh this morning