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  • Men and Emotions

    Why is it some men are just so detatached from their emotions!!? My now ex boyf and i have been speaking on the phone and its been going fine until today. I dont feel like a lot was explained about why he decided to break it off. I wanted it explained. I thought it was about time he got his head out of the sand and faced a few things.

    But he point blankly refused to even talk about anything that referred to us, how he feels about me now and how he did then and anything to do with the break up. I asked him how he felt and he just said hungry!

    I have all sorts running through my head. What changed? Was it me? Did i gain weight, did i not shave my legs enough, did i become lazy and not do enough around the house....all sorts of bloody stupid stuff that if they did change, any man that loved me wouldnt really care!!

    I ended up bursting into tears on teh phone to him as i said he was just being so cold and non emotional with me that i felt like i was being punished. I then did the totally wrong thing and said that i needed to know that he was there for me if i ever needed him as iv been so used to him being the one that i go to for help and comfort! I feel silly now but i just feel really weak without knowing he is there for me to make it all better!!

    I was doing so well too. I hadnt cried in about 4 days!
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  • #2
    Amy stop beating yourself up, you feel how you feel. Sadly he is unable to express what is going on and why things have changed for him. You can't change who he is or how he behaves but equally you have to be true to yourself. If it helps you then keep asking the questions, you'll either get the answers or you will work your way through it.
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    • #3
      ok amy Im a man, a mans man if you like, we dont mess women about. I have known a lot of women over my life and have finely setteled with a woman who can handle me.

      I may be talking out of turn but I dont feel your man feels he has lived his life yet as you are both still relatively young and the fantasy of being a single man still lures him - that is his problem.

      Its time to relax, stand back give him the space he's asking for. get on with your life - if needs be, without him. Have you ever seen that film Indecent Proposal staring Demi Moore, Robert Redford and Woody Harrelson? Basically the moral of the story is

      If you love something, then let it go - if it comes back to you, its yours forever, if it doesn't it was never meant to be.

      if he happenes to come back into it in the future then he (maybe) will have brownie points because of what you had in the past, I suspect that if/when that time ever arises, you may just have moved on.
      Good luck

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      • #4
        An I forgot to add my love

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        • #5
          Amy, even although i agree with urbtaf in the, let him go and try to get on with your life and then he may come back into it at some point....

          I also agree that men are totally detatched. Iv been in the same situ as you before when you JUST WANT TO KNOW what you did wrong !!! It kills you thinking of all the things you might have been doing that you were unawair of, that may have tipped the relationship over the edge! You just want to know..... not so you can fix it to get him back.... just so you dont do it in your next relationship. How are you ment to learn from your mistakes if you dont know what they are???? grrrrrr. some guys are just so stubbern! He probably feels that he has made his decision, and he doesnt want to discuss it again incase he gets pulled into the conversation about getting back together.

          Amy, i know its hard but PLEASE try and not contact him at all. I know it sounds hard but the more he thinks you want him, the less he will want you! Busy yourself with your crafts, your animals and try and enrol in a night time college course where you think you might meet some people.

          PM me if you want a blether.

          xxxxx
          Snowf1975

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          • #6
            Amy so sorry you are sad and have had to contend with this at Christmas. We have all been there I went through this same thing years ago (about the stone age) devastated and wanted answers, thought he was the love of my life but guess what I bounced back and found my true soul mate, the others were mere trifles. You will meet Mr Right and will know very quickly if he is the one, took me 3 months and 31 years later still happy and stronger than ever.

            Put your heart and soul into your crafting and as said by Snow try very hard not to contact him, talk to us instead, plan for the New Year and go for it.

            Hugs

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            • #7
              1.Yes it seems he wants to be single again and have a single guys life.Its unfortunate that his decision has to effect you too.Surely somebody that doesnt have the decency to explain why they have broken up with you is someone thats not worth wasting time with.

              2.Stop latching onto him, go out, have fun and he will soon get jealous that your having fun without him.

              3.Men dont like to be pushed into talking about their feelings, if they are pushed into it they clam up.

              4.STOP thinking its all your fault, or something YOU have done wrong.Chances are he isnt even thinking about you and he is just thinking about himself.

              5.I like the story behind Indecent Proposal,so try not to go for the Fatal Attraction approach.
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              • #8
                hi not sure how old you are ?? but heres my latest experience
                my son met a lovely girl when he was nearly 18 and she was nearly 17 they were perfect for eachother and got on great for nearly 2 years
                however last month they split up reading between the lines it was mainly down to my son
                hubby and I were devastated as they had talked about getting their own place and moving out in the next couple of years , I can't tell you how perfect for eachother they seemed , she had become like family to us and we loved having her around
                but I have since spoken to my son about it and he said they settled down too young and got themselves in a rut , he said he still loves this girl and always will do but it was important that they both saw a bit more of life and what else the world had to offer them and then if in years to come they do get back together they will both know that its right and as they'll have experiences to compare it with
                I struggled with the idea to begin with and still do sometimes but he told me I'm so old school lol but he is right they are still so young and have their whole lives ahead of them
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                • #9
                  Dont worry i wont turn bunny boiler on him

                  Im just finding it hard to move on. The rest of the world has been left behind and im waiting for it to catch up. Everyone is just interested in new year and parties. I want to find work and a flat! Sigh.
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                  • #10
                    Oh Amy, it's so tough and even worse at this time of the year, but you have to let him go, he doesn't want to talk about it & you can't make him. It doesn't mean that it's something you did or didn't do, he just wasn't ready for the commitment of the relationship. You can't try to change to please other people, you'll never be happy that way, you have to be yourself and find the person that loves you for you. It's not easy and can take awhile, I kissed a lot of frogs (and marrid two of them!) before I found my perfect Prince, someone who loved me, warts n' all. He's out there for you, and you just have to get through this the best you can, but for now, at least, you have to say goodbye to this man & get on with your life.

                    Take care & Much love

                    xxx
                    "Human beings, who are almost remarkable in having the ability to learn from the experience of others, are also remarkable for their apparent disinclination to do so" - Douglas Adams


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                    • #11
                      Originally posted by sunrise View Post
                      hi not sure how old you are ?? but heres my latest experience
                      my son met a lovely girl when he was nearly 18 and she was nearly 17 they were perfect for eachother and got on great for nearly 2 years
                      however last month they split up reading between the lines it was mainly down to my son
                      hubby and I were devastated as they had talked about getting their own place and moving out in the next couple of years , I can't tell you how perfect for eachother they seemed , she had become like family to us and we loved having her around
                      but I have since spoken to my son about it and he said they settled down too young and got themselves in a rut , he said he still loves this girl and always will do but it was important that they both saw a bit more of life and what else the world had to offer them and then if in years to come they do get back together they will both know that its right and as they'll have experiences to compare it with
                      I struggled with the idea to begin with and still do sometimes but he told me I'm so old school lol but he is right they are still so young and have their whole lives ahead of them
                      Sounds a bit like me and my OH! We first met and dated when i was 16 and alan was 17. Then we split up. Ended up meeting him again when i was 29 and he was 30. Together 4 months, pregnant and now living together with our little family ! I agree that being together is MUCH better when you have had a chance to experience life and other people. You dont know its right until you know whats not!
                      Snowf1975

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                      • #12
                        It's a cruel person who continues to allow you to beat yourself up for his actions. He knows why he left but while you blame yourself he doesn't have to come up with the real reason.
                        Believe me you are not alone, we have all done it at some time, but this thinking is destroying you and your self esteem and not giving you any answers.
                        Take it easy on yourself, take some time out and take care.
                        Terry xxx
                        You can't have everything. Where would you put it all?" - Steven Wright
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                        • #13
                          oh snow I do hope my sons story ends up like yours
                          as an outsider I can see that they were made for eachother and made such a lovely couple
                          my hubby gave him a bit of hard time when he decided to spilt with her as hubby really liked her and like me would have loved her as a daughter in law but we can't expect him to stay with her just because of us ( or can we lol only joking honest !! ) its hard though as my daughter is 17 and has a lovely boyfriend but I know they're young and unlikely to last so I try hard not to get attached so that I don't get upset again , I know I'm stupid but we try and welcome them into the family , they come on family occasions and parties and become part of us then they're off never to be seen again
                          I have kept in touch with my sons girlfriend I've tried not to be a pain but just text occasionally asking how her new job is and how she is and wishing her a happy christmas
                          oh well time will tell ..........................
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