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Found another joke for you

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  • Found another joke for you

    Having children (The older the mother, the funnier this is!)

    Being pregnant:

    1st baby: You begin wearing maternity clothes as soon as your gynacologist confirms your pregnancy.
    2nd baby: You wear your regular clothes for as long as possible.
    3rd baby: Your maternity clothes ARE your regular clothes.

    Preparing for the Birth:

    1st baby: You practice your breathing religiously.
    2nd baby: You don't bother because you remember that last time, breathing didn't do a thing.
    3rd baby: You ask for an epidural in your eighth month.

    The Layette:

    1st baby: You pre-wash newborn's clothes, color-coordinate them, and fold them neatly in the baby's little bureau.
    2nd baby: You check to make sure that the clothes are clean and discard only the ones with the darkest stains.
    3rd baby: Boys can wear pink, can't they?


    1st baby: At the first sign of distress--a whimper, a frown--you pick up the baby
    2nd baby: You pick the baby up when her wails threaten to wake your first born.
    3rd baby: You teach your three-year-old how to rewind the mechanical swing.


    1st baby: If the pacifier falls on the floor, you put it away until you can go home and wash and boil it.
    2nd baby: When the pacifier falls on the floor, you squirt it off with some juice from the baby's bottle.
    3rd baby: You wipe it off on your shirt and pop it back in.


    1st baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics, Baby Swing, Baby Zoo, Baby Movies and Baby Story Hour.
    2nd baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics.
    3rd baby: You take your infant to the supermarket and the school gates to collect 1st and 2nd babies.

    Going Out:

    1st baby: The first time you leave your baby with a sitter, you call home five times.
    2nd baby: Just before you walk out the door, you remember to leave a number where you can be reached.
    3rd baby: You leave instructions for the sitter to call only if she sees blood.

    At Home:

    1st baby: You spend a good bit of every day just gazing at the baby.
    2nd baby: You spend a bit of everyday watching to be sure your older child isn't squeezing, poking, or hitting the baby.
    3rd baby: You spend a little bit of every day hiding from the children

    Swallowing Coins:

    1st child: When first child swallows a coin, you rush the child to the hospital and demand x-rays
    2nd child: When second child swallows a coin, you carefully watch for the coin to pass.
    3rd child: When third child swallows a coin you deduct it from his allowance!

    And always remember that grandchildren are God's reward for allowing your children to live!

    Step-daughter's website selling hand dyed sock yarns

    ~ * ~ * ~ Of all the things I've ever lost, I miss my mind the most! ~ * ~ * ~

  • #2
    Hee hee, not got round to kids yet, but I work with them, and after a while you realise....they're not little angels!
    MISI -


    • #3
      I only have 2 - now grown up but that is exactly right.



      • #4

        I'm just glad I didn't go for number 4!
        Cathy xx
        I don't have a short attention span, I ... Ooh look, there's a chicken!


        • #5

          That has made my morning, and it is soooooo true. I have three children, and what made it funnier for me is my two sisters have children, one has two and the other has one, and that post describes us all perfectly!!!!!
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          • #6
            LOL - so funny & more than a hint of truth in there methinks!!
            "Human beings, who are almost remarkable in having the ability to learn from the experience of others, are also remarkable for their apparent disinclination to do so" - Douglas Adams

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            • #7
              My friend was on her first baby when I was onto number three. She confessed to me years later that she'd always felt that she didn't measure up to motherhood because she couldn't be as laid back as I was and as unpannicked. If she lost a dummy cap, she'd be making phone calls here there and everywhere to try and find out where it was left. She carried antiseptic hand gel around so that she could clean her hands before touching the baby. I did giggle a bit at the time, but the girl was seriously measuing her performance against how I managed.
              I really did feel gutted though when she told me, because she actually was a very caring mother and her baby was the absolute centre of her life. I was just very much the third time mum!

              Another to add in there is:
              1st time mum: you brag about each and every mile stone your baby reaches, hoping to have the most advanced baby.
              2nd time mum: you respond only when another mother tells you there baby has reached a milestone.
              3rd time mum: Your child will get there in their own sweet time.
              full time mum and very very part time crafter.


              • #8
                I'm up to 2 and that's where it's staying!!

                I bathed my daughter everyday and she was as lovely and clean as I could get her (not very!) When my son was a couple of months old, I had him tucked under my arm, sniffed his head and the smell was awful!!! I couldn't remember when he'd last had a bath!!

                Oh the joys of post natal depression!!





                • #9
                  Hahaha...think I went straight from stage one to stage three!!!



                  • #10
                    Very hunny and sooo true.........



                    • #11
                      I must be an awful mum I went straight to 3. Faffy mums really wind me up. sorry.
                      "You've Got to Keep Your Mind Wide Open" - AnnaSophia Robb
                      my Folksy shop Goldy'sclearoutblog debaynewebdesign


                      • #12
                        Originally posted by goldy1 View Post
                        I must be an awful mum I went straight to 3. Faffy mums really wind me up. sorry.
                        Me too - and I only had one!

                        Step-daughter's website selling hand dyed sock yarns

                        ~ * ~ * ~ Of all the things I've ever lost, I miss my mind the most! ~ * ~ * ~


                        • #13
                          that was really very funny
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