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A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak.
After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done it.
The monsignor replied,''When i am worried about getting nervous at the pulpit, i put glass of vodka next to the water glass.If i start to get nervous i take a sip.
So next sunday he to the monsignor's advice.
He proceeded to talk up a storm.
Upon his return to his office after the mass, he found the following note on the door.
1] Sip the vodka dont gulp
2] There are ten commandments not twelve
3] There are twelve desciples not not ten
4] jesus was consecrated not constipated
5] Jacob wagered his donkey he didn't bet his ass
6] We do not refer to jesus christ as the late JC
7] The father,son and holy ghost are not referred to as Daddy,junior and the spook
8] David slew goliath he didn't kick the sh*t out of him
9] When david was hit by a rock and knocked off his donkey,dont say he was stoned off his ass
10] We do not refer to the cross as the big T
11] When jesus broke the bread at the last supper he said ,''take this and eat it for it is my body.H e did not say eat me
12] The virgin mary is not called mary with the cherry
13] The recommeneded grace before a meal is not Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks for the grub,Yeah God
14] Next sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at St Peters,not a Peter pulling contest at St Taffys.
After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done it.
The monsignor replied,''When i am worried about getting nervous at the pulpit, i put glass of vodka next to the water glass.If i start to get nervous i take a sip.
So next sunday he to the monsignor's advice.
He proceeded to talk up a storm.
Upon his return to his office after the mass, he found the following note on the door.
1] Sip the vodka dont gulp
2] There are ten commandments not twelve
3] There are twelve desciples not not ten
4] jesus was consecrated not constipated
5] Jacob wagered his donkey he didn't bet his ass
6] We do not refer to jesus christ as the late JC
7] The father,son and holy ghost are not referred to as Daddy,junior and the spook
8] David slew goliath he didn't kick the sh*t out of him
9] When david was hit by a rock and knocked off his donkey,dont say he was stoned off his ass
10] We do not refer to the cross as the big T
11] When jesus broke the bread at the last supper he said ,''take this and eat it for it is my body.H e did not say eat me
12] The virgin mary is not called mary with the cherry
13] The recommeneded grace before a meal is not Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks for the grub,Yeah God
14] Next sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at St Peters,not a Peter pulling contest at St Taffys.
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