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Qantas funnies

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  • Qantas funnies

    After every flight, pilots fill out a form called a gripe sheet, which conveys to the mechanics problems encountered with the aircraft during the flight that need repair or correction. The mechanics read and correct the problem, and then respond in writing on the lower half of the form what remedial action was taken so that the pilot can review the sheet before the next flight.

    Never let it be said that the grounds crews and engineers lack a sense of humour.

    Here are some actual logged maintenance complaints and problems as submitted by Qantas pilots and the solution recorded by maintenance engineers.

    (P = The problem logged by the pilot)
    (S = The solution and action taken by the engineers)



    P: Left inside main tyre almost needs replacing.


    S: Almost replaced left inside main tyre.

    -----

    P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.


    S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

    -----

    P: Something loose in cockpit.


    S: Something tightened in cockpit.

    -----

    P: Dead bugs on windshield.


    S: Live bugs on back-order.

    -----

    P: Auto-pilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.


    S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

    -----

    P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.


    S: Evidence removed.

    -----

    P: DME volume unbelievably loud.


    S: DME volume set to more believable level.

    -----

    P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.


    S: That’s what they are there for.

    -----

    P: IFF inoperative.


    S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

    -----

    P: Suspected crack in windshield.


    S: Suspect you’re right.

    -----

    P: Number 3 engine missing.


    S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

    -----

    P: Aircraft handles funny.


    S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right and be serious.

    -----

    P: Target radar hums.


    S: Target radar reprogrammed with lyrics.

    -----

    P: Mouse in cockpit.


    S: Cat installed.
    Wood Tattoos
    Decorative Pyrography for all Occasions - Author of "Woodburning with Style" (2010) and "Learn to Burn" (2013)
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  • #2
    Oh that's ace!!!!!!!! I can't type for laughing
    MISI - http://www.misi.me.uk/store_info.php?user_id=741

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    • #3
      I like that - especially the dead bugs on windshield bit!
      View my flickr

      'I am sure it must hurt your eyes to work filigree by candlelight.' - Jane Austen

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      • #4
        That is really funny and brightened up my day.

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        • #5
          Originally posted by Caroleecrafts View Post
          That is really funny and brightened up my day.
          Glad to hear it! Sometimes you need a good joke on a grotty and miserable day like today.
          Wood Tattoos
          Decorative Pyrography for all Occasions - Author of "Woodburning with Style" (2010) and "Learn to Burn" (2013)
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          • #6
            The sun is actually shining here at the moment, so much so that DH has gone out to wash the car and left me in peace with the forums!!

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            • #7
              Update just checked out the window, not much washing being done, doing what all men do well, talking to the neighbour about football, he supports Watford and DH supports West Ham! I expect cricket will be next.

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              • #8
                Ooh they are SO good!

                Shaz x
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                & Rossendale Ramblings!
                http://focusonlife-shaz.blogspot.com

                Where else can you get Mental and Retail Therapy?!

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                • #9
                  Keep coming back to re-read this, it makes me laugh everytime!
                  MISI - http://www.misi.me.uk/store_info.php?user_id=741

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                  • #10
                    Originally posted by Louise88 View Post
                    Keep coming back to re-read this, it makes me laugh everytime!
                    Good, aren't they? I've had them printed out for years and just had to type them up to share when I found them in a drawer.
                    Wood Tattoos
                    Decorative Pyrography for all Occasions - Author of "Woodburning with Style" (2010) and "Learn to Burn" (2013)
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                    • #11
                      Hee heeee! They gave me the giggles!
                      Cathy xx
                      http://folksy.com/shops/Cathy
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                      I don't have a short attention span, I ... Ooh look, there's a chicken!

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