Advice needed Please!!

[GlamGlass]

Hi
I know this is not an Agony aunt Column, But this is that type of query!!

Might be a bit long winded, but will try to shorten!!

Ok Last April, A Friend said she would like to go on a caravan holiday as her daughter won a dancing scholarship (so no dancing lesson fees for 1 year). She said she would give the money that was saved from the lessons for me to save for her!!

Back in June she had saved just £50, but asked for it back!.
The caravan Holiday was booked and deposit paid by me and full amount due begining of July.

Told friend this and for the 1st 2 weeks of July she kept saying i will have it next week......Finally got a cheque from her for her half and sent the 2 cheques off to caravan owner. A week later a phonecall, Yes you guessed it.......Cheque had bounced.

MONDAY
Phoned Friend, who just said oh yeh I got a letter about that, don't know why as money is in the bank!! (no apologies for me being hassled by the caravan owner)

THURSDAY
No sign of any money - was going to cancel holiday, but that evening her Daughters Granddad died, so I thought I will just send the cheque. ( I felt mean saying to her daughter, sorry about your granddad and btw your not going on holiday either)

NEXT FEW days
Keeps saying I will have money on such and such.

I ask what has happened to the money in the bank.....It's gone on bills etc She had actually never had enough to cover the cheque etc and just kept fobbing me off. She admits telling me lies!

Last week
She said i have some money here and the rest on friday..........came and went no money no contact either.........then I hear that Friday night she is at the pictures!!!

I send her a text saying I cannot afford to go away and will put the holiday on ebay let me know what is what!!
She text back saying she will have x amount on such and such don't cancel!!

We are due to go away this Sat and since the text on Friday I have not heard from her!!

I am left feeling rather sick by all this and am wondering if I should just go by myself as
A - I really don't think we would even get along anymore
B - Can't imagine she will pay up before we go
C - Have any money when we are away

So, just wondering what would YOU do???
Any advice gratefully received!!

[janetdc]

Oooh not nice. Lending/borrowing from friends is always a sticky one. The trouble is you already feel that you have been let down by her so you will find it hard to trust that she will pay her way on holiday. I learnt the hard way that some people don't really have much of a conscience about such things and are quite happy to take advantage of others. Only you can decide whether you could enjoy a holiday with her but I would be careful to make sure that you don't subsidise her further.

[GlamGlass]

Thanks for the reply Janet,
I just feel soo sick over it, that I thinking to just go by myself!
Just wish things had been different!!

[Critchley]

Good advice from Janet. Now you have to decide whether or not it is more ecconomical for you to loose the deposit or pay the remainder and do you want to go alone anyway. There is no point in having angry words, the only person that will upset is yourself as people like that have no conscience, just make absolutely sure your paths don't cross again and chalk it up to experience.
If you do decide to go. Have a blooming good time from all of us.

[sherrielinda]

what a shame

as someone else mentioned it's difficult when it comes to money & friends & family. I would try & avoid her from now on & if you can enjoy yourself on holiday on your own then I'd go for it & have fun.

[pixiedoodles]

Are you going with your family? If so I would cut my losses and go if I could afford to. I think the atmosphere wouldnt be too good if you 'friend' came too.

Where abouts are you going?

Have a lovely time!

[GlamGlass]

Thanks All,

I am going to Flamingoland in Yorkshire with My kids.........I know we will have a good time on our own and really do feel that I will LOSE a friend whether she stays or goes!!

Infact this friend has done nothing but put on other people for the last few years and I actually will lose nothing!!

It is my daughter and her daughter I am more worried about!!

Anyway We will have a good holiday as I am not going to let this spoil it!!

[pixiedoodles]

Good for you, Im sure you will have a fab time.

Shame for the kids though

[For Sale]

Hi Glamglass sad to read what has happened, people like that are a lead weight, and not cutting them away means you drown with them eventually.

I believe you have to give in as well as take out of any pot and it seems shes well withdrawn from the cash, the emotional and the patients pot. Not mention how she doesn't seem to have considered both daughters.

I would cut her loose, have a good holiday and thankfully its something you will be gaining some lovely memories from and it wasn't aloan for her mortgage that you would never of got back. From what I've read she has lost a good friend, and its your gain.

I hope you have lovely time away with your kids

[Focus on Life]

These things are always so upsetting and maybe if this was a true friend who was possibly just going through a bad patch, it'd be worth telling her how she'd made you feel. But from what you said about her past record putting on people, it does sound as though the decision you've already made is the one that will make you most happy - saying "sod it" and go it alone

Put it behind you and have a really wonderful time

Shaz x

[silvermaid]

I think you have made the right decision.
If she went with you without paying beforehand you would never get the money. Even if she did come up with the money before you went I'm certain that you would not be friends by the time you came back. I suspect she would not have enough spending money and you would be paying for her daughter so the two girls could do things together.
I have learnt the hard way never to lend money to anyone any more, even ( or especially) family. I got caught with 'just one payment for the mortgage' when it was already so far in arrears that the house was going to be repossessed anyway, and it took so long for my sister to pay mum back for a washing machine that it broke before she had paid anything for it and so the money was never repaid.
Have a great holiday with your family.

Melanie

[nattynetty]

I agree with the others - go with your kids and have a bloody good time without her!

It's the fact she blatently lied to you (her friend) all this time rather than be honest which could have saved you a lot of stress and worry.

Just an after thought, if your and her daughters are really good friends maybe you could say to your friend that you understand that she can't come as she doesn't have the money but offer to take her daughter with you as it wouldn't be fair for the girls to miss out.

[GlamGlass]

Hi Again,

Thanks for all your comments.

It is not the money that bothers me, it is the lies and the fact that she must not value our friendship to have treated me this way!!

She has been though a bad time, but has not done anything to help herself. Me and another friend have bent over backwards for her.

I think I flipped when I heard how another friend had seen her the other day at the Pictures with her daughter and another friend!! Money for that eh!!

Anyway, I just need to decide how to tell her now!!

[silvermaid]

I would probably wait until she contacts you - if she does- rather than contacting her yet again to tell her. Then just say sorry, but I have had to make other arrangements as you have let me down, and try not to let her make you feel guilty.
At the end of the day, you booked and paid for the holiday, so it is your holiday not hers.

Melanie

[auntynet]

I agree with silvermaid. If she really intended going with you surely she would have been in touch before now.

If you're really concerned how the kids will feel, maybe you could offer to take her little girl with you but only if she gives her enough spending money and if she gives you something for her "keep".

And as for your friendship - friends don't treat each other like she treat you. Ditch her and don't lose any sleep over it - she's not worth it!