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Australian Tourism Q & A. QUITE A LONG ONE THIS, SORRY!

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  • Australian Tourism Q & A. QUITE A LONG ONE THIS, SORRY!

    I love this......

    Australian Tourism Website Q&A

    These were posted on an Australian Tourism Website and the answers are the actual responses by the website officials, who obviously have a sense of humour.
    ____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ __
    Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia ? I have never seen it rain on TV, how do the plants grow? ( UK ).
    A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.
    ____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ __
    Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? ( USA )
    A: Depends how much you've been drinking.
    ____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ __
    Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad tracks? ( Sweden )
    A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots of water.
    ___________ _________ _________ _________ _________ __
    Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia ? Can you send me a list of them in Brisbane , Cairns ,Townsville and Hervey Bay ? ( UK )
    A: What did your last slave die of?
    ____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ __
    Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia ? ( USA )
    A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe .
    Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific which does not
    ... oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night at Jens in Kings Cross. Come naked.
    ____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ __
    Q: Which direction is North in Australia ? ( USA )
    A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.
    ____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _
    Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia ? ( UK )
    A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.
    ____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ __
    Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? ( USA )
    A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is ...
    oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.
    ____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ __
    Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia ? ( UK )
    A: You are a British politician, right?
    ____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ __
    Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round? ( Germany )
    A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers.
    Milk is illegal .
    ____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ __
    Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can Dispense rattlesnake serum. ( USA )
    A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from.
    All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets.
    ____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ __
    Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia , but I forget its name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees. ( USA )
    A: It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of Gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them.
    You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.
    ____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ __
    Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in Australia ? ( USA )
    A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.
    ____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ __
    Q: Can you tell me the regions in Tasmania where the female population is smaller than the male population? ( Italy )
    A: Yes, gay night clubs.
    ____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ __
    Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia ? ( France )
    A: Only at Christmas.
    ____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ __
    Q: I was in Australia in 1969 on R+R, and I want to contact the Girl I dated while I was staying in Kings Cross*. Can you help? ( USA )
    A: Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour..now too!
    ____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ __
    Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? ( USA )
    A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first.
    for all your paper & card needs visit www.ideasinpaper.co.uk

  • #2
    Very good!!

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    • #3
      Possibly the best I've read in ages!!

      Si.
      Wood Tattoos
      Decorative Pyrography for all Occasions - Author of "Woodburning with Style" (2010) and "Learn to Burn" (2013)
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      • #4
        I got sent that on email and chuckled at it, it is very good!
        View my flickr

        'I am sure it must hurt your eyes to work filigree by candlelight.' - Jane Austen

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        • #5
          Hehehe - very good!
          Cheers,
          Scorch

          Scorch's Pyrography : www.scorchpyro.co.uk
          Crafts on Flickr : http://www.flickr.com/photos/tanniso...7606138937826/

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          • #6
            Those crazy Australians!
            www.beadlab.com

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            • #7
              I wanna go and see the hippo's racing. D'ya think they'll mind that my body doesn't exactly resemble that of a 20 year old supermodel?

              Auntynet

              Step-daughter's website selling hand dyed sock yarns www.knotanotherknitter.com




              ~ * ~ * ~ Of all the things I've ever lost, I miss my mind the most! ~ * ~ * ~

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              • #8
                Originally posted by auntynet View Post
                I wanna go and see the hippo's racing. D'ya think they'll mind that my body doesn't exactly resemble that of a 20 year old supermodel?

                Why would they want you to look like a stick?
                "You've Got to Keep Your Mind Wide Open" - AnnaSophia Robb
                my Folksy shop Goldy'sclearoutblog debaynewebdesign


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                • #9
                  Originally posted by goldy1 View Post
                  Why would they want you to look like a stick?
                  Hope you're not suggesting that only a hippo would find my bod nice to look at!!!!!
                  Auntynet

                  Step-daughter's website selling hand dyed sock yarns www.knotanotherknitter.com




                  ~ * ~ * ~ Of all the things I've ever lost, I miss my mind the most! ~ * ~ * ~

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                  • #10
                    Originally posted by auntynet View Post
                    Hope you're not suggesting that only a hippo would find my bod nice to look at!!!!!
                    No was implying that the Ausies like real woman like what you and me are.
                    "You've Got to Keep Your Mind Wide Open" - AnnaSophia Robb
                    my Folksy shop Goldy'sclearoutblog debaynewebdesign


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                    • #11
                      Originally posted by goldy1 View Post
                      No was implying that the Ausies like real woman like what you and me are.
                      Now I know why we're friends.
                      Auntynet

                      Step-daughter's website selling hand dyed sock yarns www.knotanotherknitter.com




                      ~ * ~ * ~ Of all the things I've ever lost, I miss my mind the most! ~ * ~ * ~

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                      • #12
                        Well I lived in Australia for 10 years and I am now going out with a Scottish man..... the Aussie men are a little simple......
                        www.beadlab.com

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                        • #13
                          Originally posted by Pebbles View Post
                          Those crazy Australians!
                          They are droll arn't they. Enjoyed that, even DH laughed. That in itself is a miracle.
                          Carol
                          God helps them that help themselves.

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                          • #14
                            Very funny! Yes, those officials definitely have a sense of humour.
                            Jo x
                            Things to make and do
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