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Church notices

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  • Church notices

    Thank God for church ladies with typewriters. These sentences actually
    appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services:

    The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.

    The sermon this morning: 'Jesus Walks on the Water.' The sermon tonight:
    'Searching for Jesus.'

    Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday at 8 PM in the
    recreation hall. Come out and watch us kill Christ the King.

    Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those
    things not worth keeping around the house. Don't forget your husbands.

    The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to a

    Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone
    who is hard to love. Say 'Hell' to someone who doesn't care much about you.

    Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.

    Miss Charlene Mason sang 'I will not pass this way again,' giving obvious
    pleasure to the congregation.

    For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery

    Next Thursday there wi ll be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help
    they can get.

    Barbara remains in the hospital and needs blood donors for more
    transfusions. She is also having trouble sleeping and requests tapes of
    Pastor Jack's sermons.

    The Rector will preach his farewell message after which the choir will
    sing: 'Break Forth Into Joy.'

    Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church.
    So ends a friendship that began in their school days.

    A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music
    will follow.

    At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be 'What Is Hell?'
    Come early and listen to our choir practice.

    Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several
    new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.

    Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled.
    Proceeds will be used to cripple children.

    Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person
    you want remembered.

    The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and
    gracious hostility.

    Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.

    The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be
    seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.

    This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from
    the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.

    Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM. All ladies are
    invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done.

    The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend
    him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.

    Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the
    back door.

    The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church
    basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this

    Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please
    use large double door at the side entrance.

    The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan
    last Sunday: 'I Upped My Pledge - UpYours!'

    View my flickr

    'I am sure it must hurt your eyes to work filigree by candlelight.' - Jane Austen

  • #2
    I can't decide which is my fave lol
    Thanks for the chuckle
    Chris xx
    My Website
    My Blog


    • #3
      AHHhh God bless the typo!


      • #4
        Good giggle - you get an awful lot of Church magazines through the door!!!
        God helps them that help themselves.


        • #5
          I have got tears streaming down my face, with laughter

          "One must have chaos in oneself in order to give birth to a dancing star."


          • #6

            that was very funny. ROFL
            My blog



            • #7
              Very good - I love the rummage sale and bring your husband one!!!


              • #8
                To be seen in our chuch mag Sept edition!!

                Thanks for the giggle.
                full time mum and very very part time crafter.


                • #9
                  Originally posted by Critchley View Post
                  Good giggle - you get an awful lot of Church magazines through the door!!!
                  One of my friends sent these to me.
                  View my flickr

                  'I am sure it must hurt your eyes to work filigree by candlelight.' - Jane Austen


                  • #10
                    10 laughing smilies! Can't do it any other way.


                    • #11
                      Originally posted by Poppy4lee View Post
                      I have got tears streaming down my face, with laughter
                      Me too, they're wonderful, thanks for the laugh!!