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College Application-need A Giggle...

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  • College Application-need A Giggle...

    Funny College Application Letter
    This is an actual essay written by a college applicant. The author, Hugh Gallagher, now attends NYU.

    Essay: In order for the admissions staff of our college to get to know you, the applicant, better, we ask that you answer the following question: Are there any significant experiences you have had, or accomplishments you have realized, that have helped to define you as a person?

    I am a dynamic figure, often seen scaling walls and crushing ice. I have been known to remodel train stations on my lunch breaks, making them more efficient in the area of heat retention. I translate ethnic slurs for Cuban refugees, I write award-winning operas, I manage time efficiently. Occasionally, I tread water for three days in a row.

    I woo women with my sensuous and godlike trombone playing, I can pilot bicycles up severe inclines with unflagging speed, and I cook Thirty-Minute Brownies in twenty minutes. I am an expert in stucco, a veteran in love, and an outlaw in Peru.

    Using only a hoe and a large glass of water, I once single-handedly defended a small village in the Amazon Basin from a horde of ferocious army ants. I play bluegrass cello, I was scouted by the Mets, I am the subject of numerous documentaries. When I'm bored, I build large suspension bridges in my yard. I enjoy urban hang gliding. On Wednesdays, after school, I repair electrical appliances free of charge.

    I am an abstract artist, a concrete analyst, and a ruthless bookie. Critics worldwide swoon over my original line of corduroy evening wear. I don't perspire. I am a private citizen, yet I receive fan mail. I have been caller number nine and have won the weekend passes. Last summer, I toured New Jersey with a traveling centrifugal-force demonstration. I bat .400. My deft floral arrangements have earned me fame in international botany circles. Children trust me.

    I can hurl tennis rackets at small moving objects with deadly accuracy. I once read Paradise Lost, Moby di*k, and David Copperfield in one day and still had time to refurbish an entire dining room that evening. I know the exact location of every food item in the supermarket. I have performed several covert operations for the CIA. I sleep once a week; when I do sleep, I sleep in a chair. While on vacation in Canada, I successfully negotiated with a group ofterrorists who had seized a small bakery. The laws of physics do not apply to me.

    I balance, I weave, I dodge, I frolic, and my bills are all paid. On weekends, to let off steam, I participate in full-contact origami. Years ago, I discovered the meaning of life but forgot to write it down. I have made extraordinary four course meals using only a mouli and a toaster oven. I breed prizewinning clams. I have won bullfights in San Juan, cliff-diving competitions in Sri Lanka, and spelling bees at the Kremlin. I have played Hamlet, I have performed open-heart surgery, and I have spoken with Elvis.

    But I have not yet gone to college.
    She was not quite what you would call refined.
    She was not quite what you would call unrefined.
    She was the kind of person that keeps a parrot.

  • #2
    liked it

    thought this was funny & it's winging it's way around the globe as we speak to rellies.
    My blog http://setters-delight.blogspot.com

    Folksy http://www.justgifts.folksy.com

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    • #3
      Truly Excellent !!!

      I hope the course he applied for was in creative writing
      Website; www.midshiresmakers.co.uk
      Facebook Pages: www.facebook.com/weedoncraftmarket
      www.facebook.com/craftshoppingexperience

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      • #4
        Lol, very amusing
        Magriet

        www.babushkajewellery.co.uk
        http://babushkajewellery.blogspot.com/
        http://en.dawanda.com/user/BabushkaJewellery

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        • #5
          But remember... Alex hasn't achieved as much as that as he is still only 24.



          Very funny letter!

          Si.
          Wood Tattoos
          Decorative Pyrography for all Occasions - Author of "Woodburning with Style" (2010) and "Learn to Burn" (2013)
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          • #6
            Originally posted by woodtattoos View Post
            But remember... Alex hasn't achieved as much as that as he is still only 24.



            Very funny letter!

            Si.
            Hate to be pedantic but Alex has now reached the ripe old age of 25. Yes that's 25.
            www.littlebead.blogspot.com
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            • #7
              Originally posted by janetdc View Post
              Hate to be pedantic but Alex has now reached the ripe old age of 25. Yes that's 25.
              I know... I stand corrected. It just didn't sound the same. Please forgive me!
              Wood Tattoos
              Decorative Pyrography for all Occasions - Author of "Woodburning with Style" (2010) and "Learn to Burn" (2013)
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              • #8
                Originally posted by woodtattoos View Post
                I know... I stand corrected. It just didn't sound the same. Please forgive me!
                Lol at that!
                www.littlebead.blogspot.com
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                • #9
                  I've yet to hear a trombone being played in a sensuous or god like way!
                  View my flickr

                  'I am sure it must hurt your eyes to work filigree by candlelight.' - Jane Austen

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                  • #10
                    There are so much old threads

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                    • #11
                      There are old threads but they generally carry handy information people can use, they only get brought back to life if you post on them years down the line after the last post.

                      Dave.

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