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Mid Week Giggle

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  • Mid Week Giggle

    In the beginning God covered the earth with broccoli, cauliflower and spinach, with green, yellow and red vegetables of all kinds so Man and Woman would live long and healthy lives.

    Then using God's bountiful gifts, Satan created Dairy Ice Cream and Magnums. And Satan said, 'You want hot fudge with that? And Man said, 'Yes!' And Woman said, 'I'll have one too with chocolate chips'. And lo they gained 10 pounds.

    And God created the healthy yoghurt that woman might keep the figure that man found so fair.

    And Satan brought forth white flour from the wheat and sugar from the cane and combined them. And Woman went from size 12 to size 14.

    So God said, 'Try my fresh green salad'. And Satan presented Blue Cheese dressing and garlic croutons on the side. And Man and Woman unfastened their belts following the repast.

    God then said 'I have sent you healthy vegetables and olive oil in which to cook them'.

    And Satan brought forth deep fried coconut king prawns, butter-dipped lobster chunks and chicken fried steak, so big it needed its own platter, and Man's cholesterol went through the roof.

    Then God brought forth the potato; naturally low in fat and brimming with potassium and good nutrition.

    Then Satan peeled off the healthy skin and sliced the starchy centre into chips and deep-fried them in animal fats adding copious quantities of salt. And Man put on more pounds. God then brought forth running shoes so that his Children might lose those extra pounds.

    And Satan came forth with a cable TV with remote control so Man would not have to toil changing the channels. And Man and Woman laughed and cried before the flickering light and started wearing stretch jogging suits.

    Then God gave lean beef so that Man might consume fewer calories and still satisfy his appetite.

    And Satan created McDonalds and the 99p double cheeseburger. Then Satan said 'You want fries with that?' and Man replied, 'Yes, and super size 'em'. And Satan said, 'It is good.' And Man and Woman went into cardiac arrest.

    God sighed ......... and created quadruple by-pass surgery.

    And then ............ Satan chuckled and created the National Health Service.

    THE FINAL WORD ON NUTRITION

    After an exhaustive review of the research literature, here's the final word on nutrition and health.:

    1. Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.

    2. Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.

    3. Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.

    4. Italians drink excessive amounts of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.

    5. Germans drink beer and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.

    6. The French eat foie-gras, full fat cheese and drink red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than us

    CONCLUSION: Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what kills you.


    Here endeth the Lesson.


    Jules
    Apple Tree Crafts
    www.appletreecraftfairs.com

  • #2
    Teehee! that's good - and makes sense too!x

    Visit my blog!
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    • #3
      Very good!!! I was trying to guess the end but couldn't!!!! That is so good and maybe true!!! Suexx ps Aurivoir!!!!!!!!!! Probably spelt that wrong!!!!!
      http://susieQinblogland.blogspot.com

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      • #4
        Ha ha ha, so true!
        www.beadlab.com

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        • #5
          Right I'm off to learn a new language!
          View my flickr

          'I am sure it must hurt your eyes to work filigree by candlelight.' - Jane Austen

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          • #6
            Oh that's alright then cos I speak Scottish
            www.freewebs.com/clipclophorseshoes

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            • #7
              And I speak a mixed lot that hoovers between Lancastrian and Yorkshire so I'm alright! Good joke Jules!
              Visit my Etsy store http://swirlyarts.etsy.com
              My daily thoughts! http://swirlyarts.blogspot.com
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              • #8
                Loved it. I couldn't guess the ending either.
                My blog http://setters-delight.blogspot.com

                Folksy http://www.justgifts.folksy.com

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                • #9
                  lol! that sent me laughing!

                  V.funny!
                  Sophie.x

                  Sometimes what we say is not what we mean & what we mean is not what we say - that's why I paint!

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                  • #10
                    Like it!

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                    • #11
                      Very good!

                      Si.
                      Wood Tattoos
                      Decorative Pyrography for all Occasions - Author of "Woodburning with Style" (2010) and "Learn to Burn" (2013)
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                      • #12
                        Excellent!

                        Shaz x
                        Keepsake Kollections
                        & Rossendale Ramblings!
                        http://focusonlife-shaz.blogspot.com

                        Where else can you get Mental and Retail Therapy?!

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