JBJB
19-12-2007, 05:54 PM
FROM: Human Resources Director
> DATE: 10th December
> TO: All employees
> RE: Christmas Party
>
> I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place
> on
> 23rd December, starting at noon in the private function room at the
> Grill
> House. There will be a free bar and plenty of drinks! We'll have a
> small
> band playing traditional carols...please feel free to sing along.
>
> Exchange of gifts among employees can be done at this time; however no
> gift
> should exceed £10 in value to make the giving of gifts easy for
> everyone's
> pocket.
>
> This gathering is only for employees! The Managing Director will make a
> special announcement at the party.
>
> Merry Christmas to you and your family.
>
> Pauline Lewis
> Human Resources Director
>
>
> FROM: Human Resources Director
> DATE: 11th December
> TO: All employees
> RE: Christmas Party
>
> In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees.
> We recognize that Hanukkah is an important holiday which often coincides
> with Christmas, though unfortunately not this year. However, from now
> on
> we're calling it our 'Holiday Party'. The same policy applies to any
> other
> employees who are not christians. There will be no Christmas Tree or
> Christmas carols. We will have other types of music for your enjoyment.
>
> Happy now?
>
> Happy Holidays to you and your family.
>
> Pauline.
>
>
> FROM: Human Resources Director
> DATE: 12th December
> TO: All employees
> RE: Holiday Party
>
> Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous
> requesting a non-drinks table....you didn't sign your name. I'm happy
> to
> accommodate your request, but if I put a sign on a table that reads "AA
> Only" you wouldn't be anonymous anymore!!!. How am I supposed to handle
> this? Somebody?
>
> Forget about the gift exchange. No gift exchange allowed now, since the
> Union Officials feel that £10.00 is too much money and Management
> believe
> £10.00 is a little cheap. NO GIFT EXCHANGE WILL BE ALLOWED.
>
> Pauline Lewis
>
>
> FROM: Human Resources Director
> DATE: 13th December
> TO: All employees
> RE: Holiday Party
>
> What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that 20th December begins
> the
> Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking during
> daylight hours. There goes the party!
>
> Seriously, we can appreciate how a luncheon at this time of year does
> not
> accommodate our Muslim employees' beliefs. Perhaps the Grill House can
> hold off serving your meal until the end of the party - or else package
> everything up for you to take home in a little foil doggy bag. Will
> that
> work?
>
> Meanwhile, I've arranged for members of Weight Watchers to sit farthest
> from the dessert buffet; pregnant women will get the table closest to
> the
> toilets; Gays will be allowed to sit with each other; Lesbians do not
> have to sit with gay men: each will have their own table. Yes, there
> will
> be flower arrangements for the gay men's table, too. To the person
> asking
> permission to cross-dress - there will be no cross-dressing allowed.
>
> We will have booster seats for short people. Low fat food will be
> available for those on diets. Regretably we cannot control the amount
> of
> salt used in the food - we suggest that those employees with high blood
> pressure taste the food first.
>
> There will be fresh fruit as desserts for diabetics; the restaurant
> cannot
> supply "sugar free" desserts. Sorry!
>
> Did I miss anything ?!?!?!?
>
> Pauline.
>
> FROM: Human Resources Director
> DATE: 14th December
> TO: All F****** Employees
> RE: The F****** Holiday Party
>
> Vegetarian pricks! I've had it with you people!!! We're going to keep
> this party at the Grill House whether you like it or not, so you can sit
> quietly at the table furthest from the "grill of death" as you so
> quaintly
> put it. You'll get your f****** salad bar, including organic tomatoes.
> But you know tomatoes have feelings too. They scream when you slice
> them.
> I've heard them scream. I'M HEARING THEM SCREAM RIGHT NOW!!
>
> I hope you all have a rotten holiday !
>
> DRINK, DRIVE, AND DIE!
>
> THE BITCH FROM HELL !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
>
> FROM: John Bishop - Acting Human Resources Director
> DATE: 15th December
> RE: Pauline Lewis and Holiday Party
>
> I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Pauline a speedy recovery, and
> I'll continue to forward your cards to her at the asylum.
>
> In the meantime, Management has decide to cancel the party, and give
> everyone the afternoon off with full pay.
>
> John.
> DATE: 10th December
> TO: All employees
> RE: Christmas Party
>
> I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place
> on
> 23rd December, starting at noon in the private function room at the
> Grill
> House. There will be a free bar and plenty of drinks! We'll have a
> small
> band playing traditional carols...please feel free to sing along.
>
> Exchange of gifts among employees can be done at this time; however no
> gift
> should exceed £10 in value to make the giving of gifts easy for
> everyone's
> pocket.
>
> This gathering is only for employees! The Managing Director will make a
> special announcement at the party.
>
> Merry Christmas to you and your family.
>
> Pauline Lewis
> Human Resources Director
>
>
> FROM: Human Resources Director
> DATE: 11th December
> TO: All employees
> RE: Christmas Party
>
> In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees.
> We recognize that Hanukkah is an important holiday which often coincides
> with Christmas, though unfortunately not this year. However, from now
> on
> we're calling it our 'Holiday Party'. The same policy applies to any
> other
> employees who are not christians. There will be no Christmas Tree or
> Christmas carols. We will have other types of music for your enjoyment.
>
> Happy now?
>
> Happy Holidays to you and your family.
>
> Pauline.
>
>
> FROM: Human Resources Director
> DATE: 12th December
> TO: All employees
> RE: Holiday Party
>
> Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous
> requesting a non-drinks table....you didn't sign your name. I'm happy
> to
> accommodate your request, but if I put a sign on a table that reads "AA
> Only" you wouldn't be anonymous anymore!!!. How am I supposed to handle
> this? Somebody?
>
> Forget about the gift exchange. No gift exchange allowed now, since the
> Union Officials feel that £10.00 is too much money and Management
> believe
> £10.00 is a little cheap. NO GIFT EXCHANGE WILL BE ALLOWED.
>
> Pauline Lewis
>
>
> FROM: Human Resources Director
> DATE: 13th December
> TO: All employees
> RE: Holiday Party
>
> What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that 20th December begins
> the
> Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking during
> daylight hours. There goes the party!
>
> Seriously, we can appreciate how a luncheon at this time of year does
> not
> accommodate our Muslim employees' beliefs. Perhaps the Grill House can
> hold off serving your meal until the end of the party - or else package
> everything up for you to take home in a little foil doggy bag. Will
> that
> work?
>
> Meanwhile, I've arranged for members of Weight Watchers to sit farthest
> from the dessert buffet; pregnant women will get the table closest to
> the
> toilets; Gays will be allowed to sit with each other; Lesbians do not
> have to sit with gay men: each will have their own table. Yes, there
> will
> be flower arrangements for the gay men's table, too. To the person
> asking
> permission to cross-dress - there will be no cross-dressing allowed.
>
> We will have booster seats for short people. Low fat food will be
> available for those on diets. Regretably we cannot control the amount
> of
> salt used in the food - we suggest that those employees with high blood
> pressure taste the food first.
>
> There will be fresh fruit as desserts for diabetics; the restaurant
> cannot
> supply "sugar free" desserts. Sorry!
>
> Did I miss anything ?!?!?!?
>
> Pauline.
>
> FROM: Human Resources Director
> DATE: 14th December
> TO: All F****** Employees
> RE: The F****** Holiday Party
>
> Vegetarian pricks! I've had it with you people!!! We're going to keep
> this party at the Grill House whether you like it or not, so you can sit
> quietly at the table furthest from the "grill of death" as you so
> quaintly
> put it. You'll get your f****** salad bar, including organic tomatoes.
> But you know tomatoes have feelings too. They scream when you slice
> them.
> I've heard them scream. I'M HEARING THEM SCREAM RIGHT NOW!!
>
> I hope you all have a rotten holiday !
>
> DRINK, DRIVE, AND DIE!
>
> THE BITCH FROM HELL !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
>
> FROM: John Bishop - Acting Human Resources Director
> DATE: 15th December
> RE: Pauline Lewis and Holiday Party
>
> I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Pauline a speedy recovery, and
> I'll continue to forward your cards to her at the asylum.
>
> In the meantime, Management has decide to cancel the party, and give
> everyone the afternoon off with full pay.
>
> John.