joke ..

[0103media]

:pc:


A little paper bag was feeling unwell, so he took himself off to the
doctors.

"Doctor, I don't feel too good," said the little paper bag.

"Hmm, you look OK to me," said the Doctor, "but I'll do a blood test
and see what that shows, come back and see me in a couple of days."

The little paper bag felt no better when he got back for the results.
"What's wrong with me?" asked the little paper bag.

"I'm afraid you are HIV positive!" said the doctor.

"No, I can't be I'm just a little paper bag!" said the little paper
bag.

"Have you been having unprotected sex?" asked the doctor.

"NO, I can't do things like that - I'm just a little paper bag!"

"Well", said the doctor, "are you in a homosexual relationship?"

"NO! I told you I can't do things like that, I'm just a little paper
bag!"

"Then there can be only one explanation." said the doctor

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
This is good - wait for it
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . .



"Your mother must have been a carrier"!

:horse:

[indri]

Oh dear. That's a real groaner.

:sm:

[beadsbydesign]

:jump: didn't see that coming!!

[Katianne]

Made me laugh!!!! :mf:

[EMEvans]

Thats going to make me giggle everytime i see a paper bag now!

[urban objects]

Like it!


Lor xx

[Apple Tree Crafts]

A librarian is working away at her desk when she notices that a chicken has come into the library and is patiently waiting in front of the desk. When the chicken sees that it has the librarian's attention, it squawks, "Book, book, book, BOOK!"
The librarian complies, putting a couple of books down in front of the chicken. The chicken quickly grabs them and disappears.
The next day, the librarian is again disturbed by the same chicken, who puts the previous day's pile of books down on the desk and again squawks, "Book, book, book, BOOK!"
The librarian shakes her head, wondering what the chicken is doing with these books, but eventually finds some more books for the chicken. The chicken disappears.

The next day, the librarian is once again disturbed by the chicken, who squawks (in a rather irritated fashion, it seems), "Book, book, book, BOOK!"

By now, the librarian's curiosity has gotten the better of her, so she gets a pile of books for the chicken, and follows the bird when it leaves the library.

She follows it through the parking lot, down the street for several blocks, and finally into a large park. The chicken disappears into a small grove of trees, and the librarian follows. On the other side of the trees is a small marsh. The chicken has stopped on the side of the marsh. The librarian, now really curious, hurries over and sees that there is a small frog next to the chicken, examining each book, one at a time.














The librarian comes within earshot just in time to hear the frog saying, "Read it, read it, read it..."

Jules

[Peter]

...................................the paper bag one was good.................:D ..................still wincing at the chicken & frog!:sm:

[Apple Tree Crafts]

Tell us a joke.......I know mine was a groaner, I liked it though.

I love joke threads, great to start the day off with a giggle!

Jules

[swirlyarts]

Needless to say I laughed at both of them!!

[candles by lisa]

Ow groan, groan. :D

[Apple Tree Crafts]

Several men are in the locker room of a golf club. A cell phone on a
bench rings and a man engages the hands free speaker-function and begins to talk. Everyone else in the room stops to listen.

MAN: "Hello"

WOMAN: "Darling, it's me. Are you at the golf club?"

MAN: "Yes"

WOMAN: "I'm in Bond street right now and I've found this beautiful leather coat. It's only £1,000. Is it OK if I buy it?"

MAN: "Yes, go ahead if you like it that much."

WOMAN: "I also stopped by the Mercedes showroom and saw the new 2007 models. I saw one I really liked."

MAN: "How much?"

WOMAN: "£90,000"

MAN: "OK, but for that price I want it with all the extras."

WOMAN: "Great! Oh, and one more thing ... The house I wanted last year

is back on the market. They're asking £950,000"

MAN: "Well, then go ahead and give them an offer of £900,000. They will
probably take it. If not, we can go the extra 50 thousand if it's a really nice house.

WOMAN: "OK. I'll see you later! I love you so much!!"

MAN: "Bye! I love you, too."

The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room are staring at him in astonishment, mouths agape.....

He smiles and asks: "Anyone know who this phone belongs to?"


I thought that was hilarious!

Jules

[Peter]

A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. "Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury, illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!"

A smart-ass guy in the back of the room raised his hand and asked, "What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?"

The entire class is reduced to laughter and snickering.

When silence is restored, the teacher smiles knowingly at the student, shakes her head and sweetly says, "Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand."
:)

[0103media]

Very good... :mf:

[Funkyhand]

Ha Ha Ha! Thanks everyone..I missed this thread before and a laugh is just what I needed!
Anice xx:):)

[Apple Tree Crafts]

Were you speaking from experience? I do hope not.....:p


Brilliant joke though...love it!

Keep them coming everyone......:D


Jules

[sand]

ROFL, they are so funny

[Apple Tree Crafts]

An elderly couple walk into a fast food restaurant. They order one hamburger, one order of fries and one drink.


The old man unwraps the plain hamburger and carefully cuts it in half. He places one half in front of his wife. He then carefully counts out the fries, dividing them into two piles and neatly placing one pile in front of his wife. He takes a sip of the drink, his wife takes a sip and then sets the cup down between them.

As he begins to eat his few bites of hamburger, the people around them keep looking over and whispering "That poor old couple - all they can afford is one meal for the two of them."


As the man begins to eat his fries a young man comes to the table. He politely offers to buy another meal for the old couple. The old man replies that they're just fine - they're just used to sharing everything.


The surrounding people noticed the little old lady hadn't eaten a bite. She sits there watching her husband eat and occasionally taking turns sipping the drink.


Again the young man comes over and begs them to let him buy another meal for them. This time the old woman says "No, thank you, we are used to sharing everything."


As the old man finishes and was wipes his face neatly with the napkin, the young man again comes over to the little old lady who had yet to eat a single bite of food and asks "May I ask what is it you are waiting for?"

The old woman answers...














"THE TEETH."


Jules

[michelleC]

PMS!!!!!!:mf:

[0103media]

The Obedient Wife

There was a man who had worked all his life, had saved all of
his money, and was a real "miser" when it came to his money.
Just before he died, he said to his wife..."When I die, I want
you to take all my money and put it in the casket with me. I
want to take my money to the afterlife with me." And so he got
his wife to promise him, with all of her heart, that when he
died, she would put all of the money into the casket with him.
Well, he died.
He was stretched out in the casket, his wife was sitting there -

dressed in black, and her friend was sitting next to her.
When they finished the ceremony, and just before the undertakers

got ready to close the casket, the wife said, "Wait
just a moment!" She had a small metal box with her; she came
over with the box and put it in the casket. Then the
undertakers locked the casket down and they rolled it away. So
her friend said, "Girl, I know you were not fool enough
to put all that money in there with your husband." The loyal
wife replied, "Listen, I'm a Christian; I cannot go back on my
word. I promised him that I was going to put that money into the

casket with him."
You mean to tell me you put that money in the casket with
him!?!?!?"
"I sure did," said the wife. "I got it all together, put it into







my account, and wrote him a check.... If he can cash it,
then he can spend it."

[Apple Tree Crafts]

Clever woman!

Jules

[0103media]

German guy approaches a prostitute and says " I vish to buy sex vit you"

"OK" says the girl, "I'll charge 100 dollars an hour"

" Ist goot, But I must varn you, I am a little kinky"

"No problem" she replies cautiously, "I can do a little kinky" So off they
go to the girl's flat, where the German produces four large bedsprings and a duck caller.

"I vant you to tie ze springs to each of your limbs."

The girl finds this very strange, but complies, fastening the springs
to her hands and knees.
Jon says:
"Now you vill get on your hans and knees."

She duly does this, balancing on the springs.

"You vill please blow zis vistle as I make love to you."

She finds all this very odd, but figures it's harmless, and the guy is paying.
The sex is fantastic.

She is bounced all over the room by the energetic German, all the time
honking on the duck caller. The climax is the most sensational she has ever
experienced, and it is several minutes before she has recovered her breath.

Finally she gasps

"That was totally amazing....... what do you call that?"

"Ah", says the German,
































"Four-sprung duck technique..."

[candles by lisa]

High Tech Man


http://jokes.comedycentral.com/images/v2/pix_clear.gif A man walks into a bar and sits down right across from the bartender. The bartender sees the man poking at his hand and putting it next to his ear, and asks him, "What are you doing?


The man replies, "Oh, it's the newest technology -- I have a phone built right into my hand." The man puts his hand next to the bartender's ear and, sure enough, the bartender hears a dial tone.

After a few drinks, the man goes into the bathroom.

The bartender notices that he has been gone for almost a half-hour. Concerned, he goes into the bathroom to check it out. When he walks in, he sees the man with his hands on the wall standing with his legs apart and pants down. He has the end of a roll of paper towels shoved up his bum. Shocked, the bartender yells, "What are you doing?!"

>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>>The man groans and replies, "I'm waiting for a fax."



:mf: